I will remember

I wasn't going to post a blog saying where I was 9/11/2001 - but then I thought

I will remember

I will never forget

That is what we keep saying, but I was just going to remember to myself and go on. No, that just won't do.

I will remember. I will tell you what I remember.

Mostly I remember the shock. And I watched the second plane hit.

I was working nights as a server and I was about six months pregnant with Carus. Every morning I would walk home from the restuarant and stop at the 7-11 around the corner from our apartment, I would get a white grape raspberry juice (God, that juice was so good. I can't find it anymore) and an apple fritter (and a donut for Robert and Adam), and I would go home to shower, get ready for bed and eat breakfast before heading to bed.

That morning I turned on the news, it was maybe 7 am my time, and the news was going crazy. I saw the building on fire and thought wow, that fire is really high up how are they going to get firefighters up there to rescue people. They replayed the footage of the first plane hitting and then I thought what a horrible accident. How could that plane fly into the building like that? Was the plane broken? Was the navigation broken? Was the pilot hurt?

Then the second plane hit. I watched it hit. I didn't think anything. It was like I was numb. It was like I was separate from myself, not seeing things fully. I watched for a few more moments, and then I went to bed. I was exhausted, 6 months pregnant and had been up all night working.

Robert woke me up a little after 9 to tell me what happened, and it still wasn't registering with me. I went out to watch the coverage with him and it clicked. I came back and was thinking again. Oh my God! Why would they do that? All those people! We watched the towers fall together. I cried. I think he cried, I don't know. It didn't seem real. Later that day when we were sick from watching the coverage it didn't seem real. The next day when I was at work and everyone was talking about it, it didn't seem real. All the weeks and months following it didn't seem real, like a nightmare we needed to wake from.

Sometimes it still doesn't seem real. I never, never, never thought that America could be hurt like that, but it was - we were and it could happen again.

I didn't lose a family member or close friend in the attacks, but I lost something. I think we all did. We have to remember, we can never forget.

When I see a movie filmed pre 9/11, I will pause at the NY skyline and notice the twin towers just for a moment. When I see a movie filmed post 9/11, I will pause at the NY skyline and notice the absence of the twin towers.

I will remember. I will never forget.

Football update

The first football game is tomorrow. Adam is excited and while he still doesn't like practice, he is really psyched up when we leave. Practice has been cut back to 3 nights a week instead of the 5 and I've been staying home to make dinner and do some chores.

The other night he was added to a special team (punt running team) something or other in addition to his main position (defense linebacker?) - dude, do not quote me on any sport mumble jumble cause that is eactly what it is. All I know is that he tackles the other team. I'm hoping by the end of the season I will have a better grasp on the darn game.

Bruises! Adam's bruises that he got in the first few weeks of practice are fading and he is toughening up and hasn't been complaining as much.


Carus insisted on helping to point out the bruises, they don't need it though. She just likes having her picture taken. Any excuse to be in front of a camera. Look at the top of his arm there - finger like bruises, yup they grab each other that hard. . .



Looks suspiciously like a shoe print huh, should've seen it in person. It was a shoe print. You could even make out the ridges from the shoe.

Talking with another parent shortly after the season started:

I say, "The bruises are bad."
She says, "Yea I know, we get looks and then I have to say - football practice."

Later I was relating it to Robert and I add in, "...and I don't leave marks."

Robert, "Did you say that?" (with a look of awe on his face - why does it surprise him when I'm funny. I'm funny dammit! Laugh! I said LAUGH!)

I rarely have the great comebacks when I need them. It would have been great. But then she would have believed me, given me the stink eye and then called CPS.

First day of school 2009

A&C 1st day 2009
Originally uploaded by smiles2have

Here is one of the quick pictures I got as we rushed out for school this morning. We still have to work on getting our morning routine running nice and smooth. There are a few more over on Flickr.

Traffic up at the school was crazy and it took to long to find a parking spot, but once we did it didn't take long to get the kids in their classrooms.

Carus seemed a little nervous, but she wasn't saying anything. She was very quiet and didn't run up to anyone she knew, which is not like her. I noticed several of her friends in her class so I'm sure she was just fine.

Adam is very happy about his teacher from last year getting to move up with him and I believe most of Mr. K's class stayed with him. Adam looked completely ready.

I'm excited to hear about their day when they get home.

It is so very quiet around here.

Happy Birthday Papa!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA!

You try to show me patience, and while you struggle with it like me, you still have more than I do. Don't give up. You care easily and trust easily, I wonder where I get it from...

You are funny and caring and a great gampa.

Hope you have a great day and don't have to work too hard. We love you and miss you!

Dunta da dun!

The title is supposed to be sort of a drum roll - or super hero call that little kids use and is stuck in my head, but either way . . .

SCHOOL IS BACK IN SESSION!!!!

That is right, at 7:30 this morning I will leave to haul the kids and their new supplies up to the school and I will get about 7 hours of uninterrupted work EVERY SINGLE DAY (except weekends and holidays and sick days and etc).

Oh it will be soooooooooooo nice.

Stay tuned for tomorrow (or later today if I'm feeling extra skippy) I will post the first day of school 2009 photos - 2nd grade and 5th grade.

Oh and on that note - 5th grade is the LAST year in elementary school for Adam. Next year I will have a middle schooler. Its okay, I'm scared too.

PS. I wrote this post the evening before in anticipation of the big day and set it up to post at the time we leave (supposed to leave) the house.

Good night baby doll

That's what I say every night when I tuck Carus in.

"Good night baby doll."

And every night she says to me,

"Good night momma doll."

I know I won't have that much longer, but I want to remember it forever.

Good night baby doll. Good night momma doll.

Happy Birthday Adam!

Happy birthday Adam!

You've grown up so much, I'm speechless. You are funny and have a great sense of humor. You are just brilliant and know so much already and learn so fast. I am so happy to be your mom.

You are such a great big brother to Carus and she loves you so much.

We are so proud of you! Welcome to 11!

And daddy says, "and you look like one too."