365 of 2021, days 9-18

I didn't really intend to go as long as I did before an update, it sort of just happened.  (Cell phone shots are marked with an asterisk.)

 

1/9/2021

This is my Angelfish, Two-face.

The other side of him is yellow/white, which is why I named him Two-face.  

Fish are surprisingly hard to photograph. They're much prettier in person. 

1/10/2021

Two of my four ghost catfish (or glass catfish). I purchased them as ghost but a lot of online sources call them glass.  It was also fitting that I got them in October. They shimmer when the light hits them just right and they're pretty cool looking. They're whiskers move all over when looking for food - they'll tap along the ground independently.

1/11/2021

The other side of Two-face.  

He's hunting for shrimp pellets. Or more babies. I got three baby Ember Tetras before I got the Angelfish, and I saw a new one about a month after I got them - but haven't seen any since. Pretty sure the Angels are eating the eggs/fry. Which is annoying. 

1/12/2021*

Watching Carus and Chester, which is common.  

This turned out to be a not great ride. We had a storm coming in that evening and it started to hit not long after she got in the saddle. The wind and rain was hitting the roof and the tarped side quite a bit and was making some weird/scary sounds.  Chester spooked a bit so she got off and went back to practicing showmanship as it's easier to reassure him from the ground.  Then he really spooked and she gave up. I had him calmly stand in a few of the scarier spots while we gave him loves and reassurance and then he got dinner and a bunch of cookies for being a good boy.  He's done well with losing his sight, but days like this are harder. 

1/13/2021*

The aftermath of that storm.  We lost power for a few minutes. Others lost it for hours/days. Some trees fell around the area - no injuries that I heard of though - and there was a ton of flooding.  The main road that we take to the barn has been closed for months as they rebuild the bridge, though it would have been closed for flooding anyways.  This was the next road to take - also closed for flooding. We ended up having to take the long way to the barn, and then in an attempt to go into town after leaving and not having to go the same long way back we tried another road. I should have gotten a photo of that one - we got stuck. There were cars and trucks going through without a problem, but Carus's small car definitely would not have made it.  She stopped and said nope. Then we had to figure out how to get turned around with cars behind us.  A few guys in trucks helped direct her back, into the other lane, and back some more before we cleared the line of trucks that could make it through and we could turn around. Her inexperience driving was very good here - I might have risked driving through with all the others doing okay and might have landed us in a bad situation - not completely sure what I would have done if I was driving and my car is bigger and higher up than hers too so maybe. Hopefully I don't get the chance to find out! (Although this will stick with me too and would affect my choices in the future - heh.) Carus did good. 

1/14/2021

After the storm went through we had a couple days of drier weather and clear skies which allows the sunsets to be gorgeous. Bright beautiful oranges, pinks, and reds and it's always good when I'm already outside and at the barn. Much clearer views of the lovely show. 

1/15/2021*

Just Chewie being a dork.  He was rolling around and making noise behind me as I fiddled with the DVD player - and then just froze like this and sat there for a few minutes.  He's such an adorable dork. 

1/16/2021

A current crafting project - a show shirt for Carus. 

I've wanted to make her one to rival the super flashy ones we see for sale all the time (hundreds to thousands of dollars!!) and finally figured out a path to go - there are so many designs and colors to do. 

I bought a plain black show jacket. Then we found a lovely lace flower fabric that I've cut the flowers out of and sewn them on in a pattern. I've been sewing beads onto the flowers, some shiny metallic thread, and was gluing some rhinestones on when I found out about an affordable hotfix applicator on Amazon from a crafting group. Both glues work and are creating strong bonds - but I think the hotfix ones are stronger bonds.  It's so shiny! 

1

1/17/2021*

I figured with trying to enjoy things I used to enjoy again I should maybe work on my hue shift afghan again. Maybe I'll finish it finally... 

I'm still working on the first quarter, but that's getting very close.  

I didn't get far - found I had a mistake and couldn't figure out where so I had to completely undo the square that was on the needles and start over.

1/18/2021*

Just Chewie cuddled up next to me on the couch while I edit this batch of photos.  

Bonus shot from 1/10/2021

I may not be getting any baby Ember Tetras - but I have a baby shrimp! 

I had two crystal black shrimp (Bert and Ernie), but lost one after getting the Angels. They may not be responsible for my missing shrimp and a lack of new Tetra fry, but it is definitely suspicious.  

I also had a cherry shrimp (Cherry), blue shrimp (Blueberry), yellow shrimp (Lemon), and a clear and blue shrimp (Mystery). 

The clear and blue one (Mystery) is also gone now and I rarely see the remaining crystal black one (Ernie), but I do now have this guy! They're completely clear from what I can tell and mostly hang out under the big rock. I believe Cherry is the momma as they've looked quite chunky a few times but not 100% on that.  

365 of 2021, days 1-8

I missed doing the photo a day, 365 challenge, that I was doing a few years ago, and I'm struggling with finding joy in a lot of things I used to enjoy doing. I'm trying to find it again and I'm going to attempt to do a 365 this year. 

I'm posting here - and I'll probably end up making an album on Facebook as a way to hold myself accountable.  I don't want to make it into something that creates anxiety for me, but I do want some accountability.  I also want to try to use my actual camera more often than just my cell phone.  That's a conscious effort to set aside 10ish minutes to pick up the camera, or plan to pick it up, while my cell is with me everywhere.  And this first share is heavy on the cell shots. (I'll mark them with an asterisk.)

1/1/2021

Needles from some young Douglas fir trees we have in pots in the backyard. 

1/2/2021

Fredrick, the Angelfish, in front of hornwort plant in my 55 gallon tank.  

1/3/2021*

I'm receiving Round 1 of the Moderna coronavirus vaccination.  

I was worried it would burn like the last shot I had to get (MMR booster which BURNED), but it didn't burn at all. My arm at the injection site was sore for about 2 days - mostly the first 24 hours. I'm a baby about pain and it was not bad at all.  

No other symptoms or side effects. 

Round 2 will be scheduled in a few weeks. 

(I was lucky and qualified for one of the first phases of vaccinations through my work. I may not be frontline, but our job is still important to ensuring quality patient care.)

1/4/2021 *

Photo was taken by Carus.  

It was near the end of my lesson with our friend, Martha, on Chester.  I've been trying to have more regular lessons now that Carus has graduated and is out of 4H - I don't feel like I'm messing up his training for her.  (I know I wouldn't have, but part of my mom guilt or anxiety.) 

Lessons have been going good. I feel like I'm improving steadily - and I'm trying not to be embarrassed that I still can't ride this far into our horse journey. 

(No one goes near each other and we're outside so pandemic safe activity. Also all common surfaces get disinfected by everyone after they touch them. )

1/5/2021 *

Robert and I went over to a friend's farm (Heather and Justin) to discuss a woodworking project or two he has in mind and then chatted for a bit.  No one went near others - they're fairly quarantined on their farm, we're fairly quarantined in our life/home and we were mostly outside (the shop is open). 

While chatting we got to watch their dogs play, and the super adorable Great Dane puppy, Emme, would run and slide on the concrete back and forth, back and forth. And then try to pick a fight with Dally (the cattle dog).  Tuff (the pit mix) played his role of good big brother and got as much pets as possible. 

Bailey recognized my voice and called for me - I did stop and say hi - I think we all miss each other now that we're not out there every week for Carus to practicing driving Bailey. 

1/6/2021 *

I went out to help with turn in and PM chores, and got soaked.  I hate mud season. 

I can't decide if Chester minds it or loves it.  He's always covered in mud because they roll in it all the time, but he also looks miserable when it's storming badly.  And it feels like that's all it's doing lately - just constant rain.  Especially when it's time to do barn chores. It can be nice weather all day and the second we have to be outside, STORM.  

1/7/2021

All my Christmas ornaments off the tree and ready to be organized and put away.  

I usually get Christmas put away on the 1st but this year I worked so it got delayed until I was off again and could dedicate a couple hours.  

1/8/2021

Dinner tonight - Garlic rice pilaf, steamed broccoli, and honey garlic chicken. 

I don't know how to take food photos... maybe that will improve this year...

Justice and Integrity

Each month our team has a meeting and we all take turns sharing a reflection before the meeting - something to consider, sometimes a prayer. This month was mine (sort of fitting for my birthday month - heh).

I wanted to share here too.

Providence has five core values that we are to be used in all we do. Compassion, justice, integrity, dignity, and excellence.

My Reflection for June 2020

Justice and Integrity

Justice
Act with justice, love with kindness and walk humbly with your God. –Micah 6:8
We foster a culture that promotes unity and reconciliation. We strive to care wisely for our people, our resources and our earth. We stand in solidarity with the most vulnerable, working to remove the causes of oppression and promoting justice for all.

Integrity
Let us love not merely with words or speech but with actions in truth. –1 John 3:18
We hold ourselves accountable to do the right things for the right reasons. We speak the truth with courage and respect. We pursue authenticity with humility and simplicity.

When I was looking for a reflection this morning I knew I wanted to focus on Justice as I feel that that value is very important right now. When looking at the list of our values, Integrity popped out at me and it felt they go hand in hand. If you do not have integrity in your actions, you cannot walk the path towards justice.

Justice has been important to me for my whole life. I have felt the need and desire for Justice many times growing up and as an adult. I’ve had to release that need for justice though, a few times. That need occasionally pops back up and I have to release it again because I’m too afraid of the path I’d have to walk to get that justice.

I feel our world is strongly calling for justice right now.

We’ve released justice a few times, afraid of the path we’d have to walk, unable to find all of our integrity needed for the strength and perseverance. But justice keeps catching us back up.

Are we brave enough to walk the path with justice now?
Have we found our integrity strong enough for the path?

I also found a prayer that spoke to me towards justice from a Catholic Charities organization online.

In hope that the arc of history bends toward justice, we lift up our prayers for racial healing, saying: Bind us together, O God of love.

For the Church, that its prophetic voice may proclaim to all the challenge to break the hopeless cycles of poverty, ignorance, prejudice, and despair which degrade the sacred dignity of humankind, we pray:

For our country, that we might celebrate our racial diversity and the distinctive and rich contributions of every fiber of our cultural fabric, we pray:

For wise and decisive action on the part of local and national leaders, that the scandal of racism may be eradicated from our society, we pray:

For an end to the subtle racism of economic oppression which permeates our society’s structures and resides in many hearts, we pray:

For our faith communities, that they may not succumb to indifference or accept the status quo, but press on for fundamental change, we pray:

For the victims of racial discrimination, that they may be filled with hope for a more just future, healing from wounds received, courage to advocate for change and for peace, and the grace to overcome hated with love, we pray:

For those who work for racial justice, that they may be sustained in hope, empowered with courage, and filled with the grace to persevere in love, we pray:

Amen.

(Prayer found here: https://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/)

One month

Friday, March 13, 2020 started social distancing/quarantine - whichever you want to say.  It's technically social distancing but everyone has started calling it quarantine. Including me.  Not technically a full quarantine, but enough I suppose.

Today is Wednesday, April 15, 2020.  One month (and two days).

I've had to do another big shopping trip. I could have put it off longer, but for what I wanted to make I was out of some ingredients for, so off I went in my homemade mask which fit better than the ones Robert found in the garage that he had for woodworking projects.  The CDC recommends people start wearing one in public to prevent the spread of the disease, just in case they're sick but don't yet know it. I feel it offers some protection against catching it too (even if it's so small of an amount that it doesn't really "count" - it counts enough for me).  And it definitely reminds you not to touch your face in public.

It feels weird wearing a mask in public though, even with more than half of the rest of the people out and about wearing one too.  It will probably get more common and easier with time.  I took some alcohol wipes with me to wipe my hands, purse, wallet, phone, and car afterwards and washed my hands after returning home thoroughly.

The CDC (I believe, this might just be something someone said) also recommends you wipe down your groceries with a disinfectant wipe too, but I'm not doing that.  The majority of what I buy goes into the pantry for days/long enough for the virus to die on the surface and the produce gets washed before use so I think it's enough.  Our reusable bags go into the cupboard where they're not touched again until next trip.

We still go to the barn, and Carus is having her lessons with Martha still. I'm no longer holding baby Trask for the lessons though, just in case. I couldn't bear accidentally getting a baby sick. I don't want to accidentally get anyone sick.  Carus and I covered chores last week as Jessica got sick and had to wait for her COVID19 test results to come back - negative.  Just a cold.  She works at the jail so essential worker so chance of exposure.  The barn has put out bleach spray to wipe down common areas, stall picks, wheelbarrows, and feed containers. We're all being careful, especially with Linda as she's older.  The dynamic is the same, but different just enough that it feels weird.  We paused donkey lessons after Heather was potentially exposed on a trip into Portland for work, Justin came down with a cold, and their boarder Sarah had potential exposure at work too - they put themselves on quarantine (actual quarantine) just in case.  It's now been 3 weeks and Justin is better and no one else got sick. We'll probably pick up donkey lessons again next week.

School news:
Adam's doing okay with his online classes for this semester. He goes to the video classes and does the work and is managing his schedule well.  He's having some struggles with calculus, but it's calculus so expected.  Up until he started college, he was able to just skate through school and pull As and Bs, but in college he has to try harder, sometimes a lot harder, so it's different for him.  He's still doing well and passing all of his classes, just having to work more for those grades.  He hasn't left the house since this started, except one trip grocery shopping with me for pho supplies.  We're planning on making chicken stock and canning it soon. And then maybe we'll do beef stock too.  I love that all he and his friends can easily game together online both video games and D&D.

As for Carus, she's officially a graduate.  Class of 2020.  When they canceled school for the year, they also started getting plans together for what requirements would be needed to pass the grade the kids were in.  All Seniors that were passing classes by March 13th, would pass the class without additional work.  Carus was passing. She had some outstanding work sample stuff to turn in - it was mostly done, but had to be finished and could only be done in class with the teacher - so that was marked completed. And that's it. Senior projects got fully canceled. I did say we could still do the video and save for ourselves, or share with friends and family or even with her teachers. She passes on that for now.  Graduation ceremony is still up in the air, but I'm not holding my breath.  Come out of quarantine and cram 1,000+ people into an auditorium? That's a good way to get put back into quarantine.

Still hoping though.

Pre Fair and Fair are still planning as if we'll go ahead with them. I'm more hopeful there.  End of June and end of July are a long ways off still.  Spring Classic has officially been canceled for the May dates.  It's currently being discussed if we'll move online (hard to do for Horse Bowl competition though) or if we'll postpone until September.  We'll hear more on Sunday - Julie, the coach, has started practices back up on Zoom meetings since we can't meet in person.

Robert is still working, normal schedule.  They've sent all non-essentials to work from home.  Well, except for one lady who refuses to go home and then spends all day talking quite loudly to someone else or herself and disrupting everyone. Robert is quite annoyed with her volume.  I'm quite annoyed they haven't made her go home if she isn't supposed to be there. It's just another infection vector, especially since from all she's loudly said, she is not keeping her distance from anyone and is not staying home.

My hours were cut starting April 1st. I lost an average of 12 hours per week per the schedule, but with Erin doing labor pool and Marcia calling in sick yesterday, I've gotten back some of those hours. I'm not worried - I have plenty of PTO to use to fill in the gap.  I'm actually kind of looking forward to some of the half days or completely off days I have in there. Last Friday I worked 4 hours in the evening to cover Erin's labor pool, but during the day I was off and Robert and I completely cleaned our room pulling out furniture and vacuuming and shampooing the carpets well.

I guess that's all I have to update and share. I want to be sure this time is documented, even if it's just for me. This will definitely be a blip in history that gets studied. Was the quarantine helpful or not helpful? Did our leaders handle things appropriately and timely? What was life like? Etc... we know all of those questions will be asked as they're asked for previous pandemics... Maybe my grandkids will ask me about it?  I feel this is a trauma on us and our personalities and quirks will be affected by it.  How many will hoard certain supplies for fear? Who will continue to wear masks in public even after this threat is gone? How many people will have germ based phobias - big and small? Will the conspiracy theories win out? (The most ridiculous one - COVID is spread by 5G. Like wtf?) I don't know what it will do to me yet - make me more of a homebody is my best guess. The anxiety I have of going into public and seeing people is REAL ya'll.

OOhh, I forgot to share! This is something related to the times, but not particularly this pandemic. I want this documented so that hopefully when it gets better, and I need to believe it will get better, I can look back and see how far we've come.  At the grocery stores around here, I occasionally come across some latinx people and it breaks my heart when they look at me in fear. Not always, but sometimes. It's always older people, generally a couple, and they look absolutely terrified that they might inconvenience me making me mad or something. I'm white and I'm middle aged, which makes me the demographic of those that hate them/wish them dead.  I always try to smile reassuringly, making sure my eyes show how genuine that smile is, and often that relaxes them enough to remove some of the terror from their face.  But with a mask they can't see my smile. That hurts my heart.


Oregon cumulative totals per Oregon Health Authority - 8 a.m., 4/14/2020 (yes, yesterday's numbers, but it hasn't been updated for today yet)

Positive:  1,633
Negative: 30,730
Total person tested: 32,363
Total deaths:   55

Spoke Too Soon

Yeah, I spoke too soon.

Oregon will not be returning to the classroom this year. 

No official news yet on graduation but I'm not expecting it to happen.

Sad, frustrated, angry, disappointed, and heart-broken for Carus for all those missed milestones she would have at the end of her Senior year. And for Robert and I too. We got a kid through to adulthood and they're a pretty damn decent human being. It was also our celebration. 

*Sigh*

Highs and lows. Right? 

Now in April and Still Living Through History

This Friday, April 10th, will be four weeks since we started Social Distancing measures. Or Monday the 13th, depending on how you count four weeks.

Things are starting to feel "normal". It shows how well humans adapt. The anxiety of what if has dissipated for me and it appears others are doing better too.  Or just appear to be coping better. 

We still have the end date of April 28th here in Oregon, and Oregon's numbers are doing quite well. Currently, on April 7th, our numbers are 1,181 confirmed cases and 33 deaths. I know there are some that were not able to get tested and I'm sure others who dealt with it without considering it was Covid19 and never got tested too. But still, we're doing okay. Hopefully we did enough, soon enough. 

Schools in California and Washington, and others, have decided to keep schools closed for the rest of the year. I don't think Oregon will have a decision until closer to May. I'm still hopeful for Carus's graduation at the beginning of June. She's already lost Senior prom, unless they reschedule for summer time, and Senior projects have been minimized (no presentations or displays; speeches are still on for now).

For 4H, her final prefair and fair are still on, at least for now. Her last horse bowl competition that was mid May might me postponed or cancelled; hoping for postponement more, obviously. 

She starts online school classes next week. Right now she didn't have much to do, just some supplemental tasks for no credit. She's been playing video games and doing puzzles and started crocheting a blanket. It will be her quarantine blanket. 

Adam's classes have all moved to online and he's been attending without problems. And then playing loads of video games with friends. They have a weekly standing D&D session plus just random games they play while chatting or play together. 

Adam and I have both been trying some new recipes. He made Pho and that was pretty good. We might make some beef and chicken stocks up and can it. I made sourdough cinnamon rolls and they turned out really good. 

My hours were cut at work, but I have PTO to cover for now and labor pool options for later if I want. Robert it still working as an essential worker at Intel. 

Otherwise my schedule hasn't changed much. I still go to the barn for chores a few times a week. I don't have meetings, I'm not working at the hospital, and I'm trying to make groceries last as long as possible (so far so good there).

The weather is starting to turn more gorgeous and spring has sprung. I'd love to go to the beach with my cut hours, but can't with the shelter in place orders, for good reason. 

We've had friends turn up with someone they know sick or hospitalized, and some names I recognize from local Facebook forums, but no one directly just yet. A friend did get tested as she got a cold and works at the jail so she's an essential worker; her test was negative. 

I'm feeling hopeful and comfortable in our current normal right now. It's much nicer than the extreme anxiety and fear I had the past few weeks. 

10 days

We heard the evening of Thursday, March 12, 2020. Schools were closing for the rest of the month. An extra week of spring break, to practice social distancing and self isolation, to help slow or stop the spread of Covid19. Oregon had one known case at that point. (Or maybe 2?)

Friday, March 13, 2020 was the start.

After one week, more businesses were closed. A bigger push for social distancing was called for, and the weekend at the start of spring break gave us gorgeous weather, a bunch of people who had been off work/working from home for a week with kids anxious and with built up energy, and beaches calling their names. The crowds of people at popular spots caused a shelter in place order Monday, March 23, 2020. No one out that doesn't need to be out.

It's been 10 days. (Technically 11 as it's now Tuesday but whatever.)

I'm not doing good today. I'm very angry and very sad. 

And I'm very fucking scared.