I will remember

I wasn't going to post a blog saying where I was 9/11/2001 - but then I thought

I will remember

I will never forget

That is what we keep saying, but I was just going to remember to myself and go on. No, that just won't do.

I will remember. I will tell you what I remember.

Mostly I remember the shock. And I watched the second plane hit.

I was working nights as a server and I was about six months pregnant with Carus. Every morning I would walk home from the restuarant and stop at the 7-11 around the corner from our apartment, I would get a white grape raspberry juice (God, that juice was so good. I can't find it anymore) and an apple fritter (and a donut for Robert and Adam), and I would go home to shower, get ready for bed and eat breakfast before heading to bed.

That morning I turned on the news, it was maybe 7 am my time, and the news was going crazy. I saw the building on fire and thought wow, that fire is really high up how are they going to get firefighters up there to rescue people. They replayed the footage of the first plane hitting and then I thought what a horrible accident. How could that plane fly into the building like that? Was the plane broken? Was the navigation broken? Was the pilot hurt?

Then the second plane hit. I watched it hit. I didn't think anything. It was like I was numb. It was like I was separate from myself, not seeing things fully. I watched for a few more moments, and then I went to bed. I was exhausted, 6 months pregnant and had been up all night working.

Robert woke me up a little after 9 to tell me what happened, and it still wasn't registering with me. I went out to watch the coverage with him and it clicked. I came back and was thinking again. Oh my God! Why would they do that? All those people! We watched the towers fall together. I cried. I think he cried, I don't know. It didn't seem real. Later that day when we were sick from watching the coverage it didn't seem real. The next day when I was at work and everyone was talking about it, it didn't seem real. All the weeks and months following it didn't seem real, like a nightmare we needed to wake from.

Sometimes it still doesn't seem real. I never, never, never thought that America could be hurt like that, but it was - we were and it could happen again.

I didn't lose a family member or close friend in the attacks, but I lost something. I think we all did. We have to remember, we can never forget.

When I see a movie filmed pre 9/11, I will pause at the NY skyline and notice the twin towers just for a moment. When I see a movie filmed post 9/11, I will pause at the NY skyline and notice the absence of the twin towers.

I will remember. I will never forget.