31.365

 

31.365

A friend's mare, Calypso. She was racing around the arena, and running straight at me.

Goodbye, Chester

21.365 1/21/2022

We said goodbye to Chester today. 

Chester was the first horse Carus bought. He was the first horse we owned, and while I don't think he'll be the last, that first spot is pretty special. He was pretty special.  

He helped Carus end her time in 4H on high notes. They won a dressage medal together! And came VERY close to getting Dad Potter. The judge might have given that last point if she knew it was their last shot at it - might not have, but I'd like to think she would have. It was just that close. 

After Carus finished 4H, I took over riding him more and did lessons on him almost weekly. He was definitely helping my confidence! 

Chester, Chezzy, Cheeseball, Cheddar, Cheddar bean. 

I'm so glad that we decided to remove his painful uveitis eye in 2020, even though we were devastated to know his "good" eye wasn't that good after all. We gave him - and us - more time. August 2020 to January 2022 isn't as long as we wanted, but it was more time.

Knowing it had signs of uveitis and cataracts helped us help him adjust as his eyesight dwindled. And when he started having full uveitis flares in that eye, we knew we wouldn't let it get as bad as his other eye had been. We knew better now.  

He had a pretty bad flare in early December. Just shy of about 2 months since the one before. This time he came out of the flare completely blind, at least in our opinion.  Every now and then I thought he might be able to see something but then he'd bump into the wall of his stall and struggle to find his hay pile.  

He was comfortable in his stall and his pasture and with certain people leading him, but got very nervous and scared if any of those variables changed. 

We pushed to get through the holidays, and made it. I talked myself out of it and back in a billion times. Carus distanced herself from him/the barn - though she'd been doing that for awhile, knowing what was coming. I scheduled as much of things as I could.  I made the appointment I made sure his previous family that we got him from were able to come say goodbye and that the barn family, especially those with younger kids, had a heads up. I traded shifts so that I could get the full day off and scheduled for a Friday so I could have the weekend to process. We even picked the day we'd cut off his tail, which I had washed 3 times after the decision was made in December and put up to keep it as clean as possible. Robert came with us, and the three of us were there for the full thing. 

A friend shared a poem with me for the occasion, and it was definitely true of Chezzy. His tail went in three sections - one for me, one for Carus, and one for the girl/family we got him from. Our friend Beth took a small chunk too. 

The Best Horses in Heaven, They Have No Tail
by Miska Paget

The best horses in Heaven they have no tail. This is a rule they all know without fail.

For when a new horse arrives with a short cut bob, they all know that this horse did a very good job.

His owner could not bear to part with her friend so she saved his tail, wrapped in ribbons and in braids, to hold with his memory in a very loving way.

To enter Heaven without a tail is an honor, a message, that without fail announces to everyone, far and wide that this horse was more than a wonderful ride.

But this horse was loved and cherished by one and when his time serving on this Earth was done he left behind a broken heart

and a soul from which he never will part.

(This photo wasn't from that day, but I didn't want to share the photos I have. ) 

365 in 2021, days 43-49

02/12/2021

Texas froze over, most of eastern Portland metro was having horrible ice storms, and we got some snow and sleet. We still had ice but no where as bad as elsewhere. And the dogs could still play in it.  

Leia is getting quite gray now. She's 10. She still runs and plays hard, but she feels that later and will start limping and having trouble getting up.

2/13/2021

Leia used to jump up and down this retaining wall A LOT.  We call her monkey for a reason. She can jump high and really liked to even if we tried to slow her down or stop her.  

Chewie won't jump as often, but he was having a blast running through the snow playing chase and tackle with Leia and dove off the retaining wall a few times to escape her because he knows she'll only jump once. 

2/14/2021*

For Valentine's day I made chicken parmesan from scratch cause it's one of our favorite meals. We were all snowed in and we're still in a pandemic, and we don't really like going to restaurants on the busy days anyways even if they were open so it was better to chill at home.  

This is my hue shift afghan that I've been working on/not working on for like 5 years now.  I don't remember when I started it. There are four sections of the afghan, and this is the end of section one. I'm having a horrible time with this last block and have had to rip it out and start completely over 5 times. I keep dropping a stitch or forgetting a decrease or doubling the decrease or I dunno what's wrong but it's wrong. I got a little bit further than this photo and put it up for the night, and haven't had a chance to pick it up again.  I'll eventually finish it and it will be lovely. 

2/15/2021*

Us over on the west side were finally thawed enough to get the horses out. They won't get turned out when it's sleet or ice since it's miserable for them and/or they could slip and get hurt.  

If you look close you can see the rainbow right above Chester.  We had a pons at the end of the rainbow! 

2/16/2021

Cheddar ponies!

2/17/2021*

I got stuck on the couch under a Chewers. I sat down to watch a show, he curled up next to me and fell asleep and I didn't want to wake him.  

 2/18/2021*

There was another really awful stormy day, and because it just makes Chester look miserable I had them keep him in for the day.  

Since he stayed in and didn't get a lot of movement, Carus had him run around the arena a little when we went out for chores.  

He kept trying to go over and stand in the mud. Cause he's a weirdo. 

365 in 2021, days 38-42

2/7/2021

Got some new fishy friends. Two new panda corydoras, an albino blue-eyed pleco (Banana) and two cherry shrimp. These are in the bags while they acclimated to the tank temp and water. (Dot in the background is a snail.)

Now, a few weeks later, I'm back down to 3 corys (these two took me up to 5) and I have no idea why, and I can't find the shrimp. They could just be hiding, but who knows. 

2/8/2021*

I got to ride Chester and had a lesson.  

This was while we were waiting for Martha and shortly after a pretty big spook - the bushes in the corner, which are slightly visible on the left there are scary. Probably mostly the barn cats playing in them, but possibly the wind and/or a little bird/mouse moving in there too.  All the horses give it side eye once in awhile. 

  

2/9/2021*

Adam seems to be a fan of whisky. I'm liking it too.  It's a good sipping drink.  We had one a few months ago that we really liked, but couldn't remember the name. We thought it was Glenlivet, but it might have been a different year or maybe a different brand cause this wasn't quite the same.  This is good though so we took a pic to make sure we remembered it was good. Then it turned out to be the only photo I took that day so it got nominated to be in the count. 

2/10/2021*

Carus tacking up for a ride. 

2/11/2021

The Angelfish had eggs! 

It was very exciting and it makes up for the fact that I'm not getting tetra fry anymore and they might be eating my shrimp. 

They guarded and fanned water at them all day while Carus and I did some research.  They would hatch in 60 hours, so that would be about Sunday morning. This was Thursday about midday. The eggs weren't there at morning feeding so they were spawned anywhere from shortly after feeding to right before I saw them.  

We believe Fredrick is the female and Two-faced is the male as Fredrick was the one that did the most fanning and aggression towards the other fish. 

From research: Angelfish lay their eggs on a vertical surface and occasionally move them. They will fan the eggs with water and guard them from others. They will also eat them.  At 60 hours, they go from eggs to wiggler stage (where they wiggle? that's them hatching?) and then start swimming around their parents. The parents might also eat the fry at this stage or they might parent them/raise them. The photos and videos I found just had clouds of fry swimming around parents, which is amusing.  

Also from research - Angelfish (very) often eat their first spawn.  Mine did.  Thursday evening, I had this same big spawn of eggs. Friday morning - about half left. Saturday morning, less than 10 and some white which suggested not viable and by Saturday evening none.  Angelfish can spawn every 14 days, so we'll see what happens... I've decided to not try to do anything extra like putting up a mesh to protect them or remove the parents - don't have another tank anyways.  What happens in my tank happens in my tank. 

365 of 2021, days 19-25

I'm breaking up my next photo dump.  We're actually on day 35 at the time of this post, but I'm not doing that many in one post - just too much. 

I've also found I've forgotten a day here and there, not even a photo with my phone. I filled them in with photos taken on other days. 

 (Cell phone shots are marked with an asterisk.)

1/19/2021

Sunrise out of my front window. 

1/20/2021*

Carus picked charcuterie boards for dinner this night as there were some meats and cheeses at work she's been wanting to try (she's been working in a local grocery's store deli). 

We have black forest ham, pastrami, black pepper turkey breast, salami and pepperoni for meats.  Cheeses are cheddar, fontina, smoke gouda, havarti and manchego.  Spicy mustard and laughing cow cheese for spreadables. Crackers are Ritz and Safeway brad garlic parmesan pita crackers. 

1/21/2021

One of my little shrimp - Blueberry. 

(And one of my ghost catfish.)

1/22/2021

I believe this was late afternoon - I love my front picture window.  The view is always great. Sunrises, sunsets, fog off in the hills or rolling in, snow...and the fall colors.  It's all lovely.

1/23/2021

One of the barn cats - Eddie. 

1/24/2021*

Miss Caly.

Chester's stall neighbor. Way back before Chester we leased Caly for a few months. She wasn't a perfect fit for Carus but we still love her and we've been lucky to still love on her. She's a sweetheart. 

We were taking care of her for 10 days while her family was quarantined after having to get tested for Covid.  They tested negative thankfully - they just had a cold. 

1/25/2021

Early sunset with lovely clouds - out my front window again. 

It will probably make several appearances throughout the year.

365 of 2021, days 9-18

I didn't really intend to go as long as I did before an update, it sort of just happened.  (Cell phone shots are marked with an asterisk.)

 

1/9/2021

This is my Angelfish, Two-face.

The other side of him is yellow/white, which is why I named him Two-face.  

Fish are surprisingly hard to photograph. They're much prettier in person. 

1/10/2021

Two of my four ghost catfish (or glass catfish). I purchased them as ghost but a lot of online sources call them glass.  It was also fitting that I got them in October. They shimmer when the light hits them just right and they're pretty cool looking. They're whiskers move all over when looking for food - they'll tap along the ground independently.

1/11/2021

The other side of Two-face.  

He's hunting for shrimp pellets. Or more babies. I got three baby Ember Tetras before I got the Angelfish, and I saw a new one about a month after I got them - but haven't seen any since. Pretty sure the Angels are eating the eggs/fry. Which is annoying. 

1/12/2021*

Watching Carus and Chester, which is common.  

This turned out to be a not great ride. We had a storm coming in that evening and it started to hit not long after she got in the saddle. The wind and rain was hitting the roof and the tarped side quite a bit and was making some weird/scary sounds.  Chester spooked a bit so she got off and went back to practicing showmanship as it's easier to reassure him from the ground.  Then he really spooked and she gave up. I had him calmly stand in a few of the scarier spots while we gave him loves and reassurance and then he got dinner and a bunch of cookies for being a good boy.  He's done well with losing his sight, but days like this are harder. 

1/13/2021*

The aftermath of that storm.  We lost power for a few minutes. Others lost it for hours/days. Some trees fell around the area - no injuries that I heard of though - and there was a ton of flooding.  The main road that we take to the barn has been closed for months as they rebuild the bridge, though it would have been closed for flooding anyways.  This was the next road to take - also closed for flooding. We ended up having to take the long way to the barn, and then in an attempt to go into town after leaving and not having to go the same long way back we tried another road. I should have gotten a photo of that one - we got stuck. There were cars and trucks going through without a problem, but Carus's small car definitely would not have made it.  She stopped and said nope. Then we had to figure out how to get turned around with cars behind us.  A few guys in trucks helped direct her back, into the other lane, and back some more before we cleared the line of trucks that could make it through and we could turn around. Her inexperience driving was very good here - I might have risked driving through with all the others doing okay and might have landed us in a bad situation - not completely sure what I would have done if I was driving and my car is bigger and higher up than hers too so maybe. Hopefully I don't get the chance to find out! (Although this will stick with me too and would affect my choices in the future - heh.) Carus did good. 

1/14/2021

After the storm went through we had a couple days of drier weather and clear skies which allows the sunsets to be gorgeous. Bright beautiful oranges, pinks, and reds and it's always good when I'm already outside and at the barn. Much clearer views of the lovely show. 

1/15/2021*

Just Chewie being a dork.  He was rolling around and making noise behind me as I fiddled with the DVD player - and then just froze like this and sat there for a few minutes.  He's such an adorable dork. 

1/16/2021

A current crafting project - a show shirt for Carus. 

I've wanted to make her one to rival the super flashy ones we see for sale all the time (hundreds to thousands of dollars!!) and finally figured out a path to go - there are so many designs and colors to do. 

I bought a plain black show jacket. Then we found a lovely lace flower fabric that I've cut the flowers out of and sewn them on in a pattern. I've been sewing beads onto the flowers, some shiny metallic thread, and was gluing some rhinestones on when I found out about an affordable hotfix applicator on Amazon from a crafting group. Both glues work and are creating strong bonds - but I think the hotfix ones are stronger bonds.  It's so shiny! 

1

1/17/2021*

I figured with trying to enjoy things I used to enjoy again I should maybe work on my hue shift afghan again. Maybe I'll finish it finally... 

I'm still working on the first quarter, but that's getting very close.  

I didn't get far - found I had a mistake and couldn't figure out where so I had to completely undo the square that was on the needles and start over.

1/18/2021*

Just Chewie cuddled up next to me on the couch while I edit this batch of photos.  

Bonus shot from 1/10/2021

I may not be getting any baby Ember Tetras - but I have a baby shrimp! 

I had two crystal black shrimp (Bert and Ernie), but lost one after getting the Angels. They may not be responsible for my missing shrimp and a lack of new Tetra fry, but it is definitely suspicious.  

I also had a cherry shrimp (Cherry), blue shrimp (Blueberry), yellow shrimp (Lemon), and a clear and blue shrimp (Mystery). 

The clear and blue one (Mystery) is also gone now and I rarely see the remaining crystal black one (Ernie), but I do now have this guy! They're completely clear from what I can tell and mostly hang out under the big rock. I believe Cherry is the momma as they've looked quite chunky a few times but not 100% on that.  

365 of 2021, days 1-8

I missed doing the photo a day, 365 challenge, that I was doing a few years ago, and I'm struggling with finding joy in a lot of things I used to enjoy doing. I'm trying to find it again and I'm going to attempt to do a 365 this year. 

I'm posting here - and I'll probably end up making an album on Facebook as a way to hold myself accountable.  I don't want to make it into something that creates anxiety for me, but I do want some accountability.  I also want to try to use my actual camera more often than just my cell phone.  That's a conscious effort to set aside 10ish minutes to pick up the camera, or plan to pick it up, while my cell is with me everywhere.  And this first share is heavy on the cell shots. (I'll mark them with an asterisk.)

1/1/2021

Needles from some young Douglas fir trees we have in pots in the backyard. 

1/2/2021

Fredrick, the Angelfish, in front of hornwort plant in my 55 gallon tank.  

1/3/2021*

I'm receiving Round 1 of the Moderna coronavirus vaccination.  

I was worried it would burn like the last shot I had to get (MMR booster which BURNED), but it didn't burn at all. My arm at the injection site was sore for about 2 days - mostly the first 24 hours. I'm a baby about pain and it was not bad at all.  

No other symptoms or side effects. 

Round 2 will be scheduled in a few weeks. 

(I was lucky and qualified for one of the first phases of vaccinations through my work. I may not be frontline, but our job is still important to ensuring quality patient care.)

1/4/2021 *

Photo was taken by Carus.  

It was near the end of my lesson with our friend, Martha, on Chester.  I've been trying to have more regular lessons now that Carus has graduated and is out of 4H - I don't feel like I'm messing up his training for her.  (I know I wouldn't have, but part of my mom guilt or anxiety.) 

Lessons have been going good. I feel like I'm improving steadily - and I'm trying not to be embarrassed that I still can't ride this far into our horse journey. 

(No one goes near each other and we're outside so pandemic safe activity. Also all common surfaces get disinfected by everyone after they touch them. )

1/5/2021 *

Robert and I went over to a friend's farm (Heather and Justin) to discuss a woodworking project or two he has in mind and then chatted for a bit.  No one went near others - they're fairly quarantined on their farm, we're fairly quarantined in our life/home and we were mostly outside (the shop is open). 

While chatting we got to watch their dogs play, and the super adorable Great Dane puppy, Emme, would run and slide on the concrete back and forth, back and forth. And then try to pick a fight with Dally (the cattle dog).  Tuff (the pit mix) played his role of good big brother and got as much pets as possible. 

Bailey recognized my voice and called for me - I did stop and say hi - I think we all miss each other now that we're not out there every week for Carus to practicing driving Bailey. 

1/6/2021 *

I went out to help with turn in and PM chores, and got soaked.  I hate mud season. 

I can't decide if Chester minds it or loves it.  He's always covered in mud because they roll in it all the time, but he also looks miserable when it's storming badly.  And it feels like that's all it's doing lately - just constant rain.  Especially when it's time to do barn chores. It can be nice weather all day and the second we have to be outside, STORM.  

1/7/2021

All my Christmas ornaments off the tree and ready to be organized and put away.  

I usually get Christmas put away on the 1st but this year I worked so it got delayed until I was off again and could dedicate a couple hours.  

1/8/2021

Dinner tonight - Garlic rice pilaf, steamed broccoli, and honey garlic chicken. 

I don't know how to take food photos... maybe that will improve this year...

Life keeps happening

I keep feeling like things will slow down next week or next month; and then next week or next month arrives and everything is just as crazy and busy as it was before. 

Or it feels more crazy and busy than it really is and I'm just losing my marbles. I don't know anymore.

The horse that Carus started the 4H year with, Caly, didn't work out.  They weren't connecting and it just became a battle of wills between a young horse and a frustrated kid. We were sad as Caly is a sweet horse that Carus did enjoy riding, but it's not fair for her or Carus to keep trying where it wasn't working. 

Also, I had incredible amounts of anxiety over quitting too early.  I do not like to "give up" even if it's in my best interest and I'm more realistically just moving on.

We asked around a little and quickly got a few geldings to try (Carus insists that she can connect to geldings better cause mares be crazy).  

Introducing (sort of):  New lease horse, Chester.  (This is totally old news if you're on Facebook.)

So far Chester is working out great.  If you ask Carus how it's going you will get no words, but instead some excited squealing while she clutches her hands to her face and/or bounces up and down.

She hearts Chester.  

She's still finding school tough to navigate this year; mostly the 2 AP classes and 2 honors classes have her feeling a bit stretched thin, on top of the emotional lows of losing Scout.

My washer motor broke a few weeks ago.  The direct drive motor is not supposed to break EVER but yeah mine did.  Thankfully I have a handy husband who was able to get the parts ordered despite the customer service reps saying "yeah, no the motor can't break it's not the motor" and then got them installed. I was only without a washer for a week.  Surprisingly...not surprisingly?  I was anxious about not being able to do laundry for a week. Cause I'm a weirdo. Or I have issues.  Both?

The master bath is still not done.  We had to save up to purchase the vanity and then we decided the shower stall was beyond cleaning up so we had to search for new glass walls and doors that would fit our the insert which took forever.  Since the new floor was already in we were not replacing the whole thing.  Then, the granite counter top we like is now out of stock.  We found a new supplier so now just saving up a bit more so we can order because it's more expensive than the first one was.  (And yes, all of the we's in that above paragraph refer to Robert. He's doing all the leg work and hard work. I'm in charge of painting.)

Adam is now coming up on the end of his second semester of college and seems like he's floating along.  He is still doing a general transfer degree with plans to transfer to a 4 year college at the end of 2 years of community college and still isn't sure what the end goal is. Occasionally I panic for him and start worrying that he hasn't figured it out yet. 

Struggling

We lost Scout this summer.  He had been dealing with a runny nose for several months and was losing weight.  Antibiotics, expectorants, upping feed, etc - things were tried and not really helping much.  Imaging was done and a mass was seen in his sinuses.  He could have a surgery and they might not even be able to get the mass, he would have trouble with the surgery, if he survived, and because of his history of cancer, the mass was probably cancerous... the decision was made.

We took Carus out and she rode him and loved on him and the next day her and I returned. We bathed him and put flowers in his hair and had one last photo shoot with his girl. Robert helped take him to his appointment the next morning.

We ended up canceling the lease with Dusty too so we sort of lost both.

About a month or so later, we started looking at lease options and one kind of fell into our laps with someone moving into the barn we'd been at for a couple years.  They were joining our 4H group and looking for a partial lease on their horse. Their kid is junior level and they saw Carus as a senior level kid as an opportunity to put some valuable miles on and finish their horse for their kid.

We're about 3 months into that lease and it's going.... not perfectly but not a disaster. I don't know. Carus is just not connecting with this horse. She thinks she's holding back a little to keep from getting hurt and is trying not to hold back but just can't help it. I'm not connecting with her either. I don't really like her - she's not a bad horse or anything. It's just not.... something.  Something is off or different and I don't know how to fix it.

I was scrolling through pics today looking for some landscapes for Carus for her art class and got far enough back that it's just a bunch of her with Scout and Dusty and I'm just struggling.  I miss both of those horses, especially Scout, and the connection Carus had with them.

So yeah, now I'm crying because I miss those damn horses, I feel like I cannot make the right decision for Carus to allow her to participate in and do good in 4H and showing, and I am just a flipping mess...

Leaders Show 2017

It was a very eventful and busy Saturday. 

Carus has started doing English classes at shows, and those are first in shows, which means really early.  Most shows start between 7:00 and 8:30 in the morning. You have to factor in getting up and ready, getting to the barn and feeding breakfast, loading and hauling to the show grounds, getting set up there, tacking up and warming up, and it all makes for VERY early mornings.  

We made it with plenty of time, but found that Dusty lost a shoe somewhere between Friday evening when the farrier came out to our barn to replace a loose nail and the fairgrounds.  We ended up finding it in the trailer, which means she lost it on the way to the show.  The farrier was able to make it out and did an urgent shoe replacement and the rest of the day was....less eventful than that morning.  

Carus did 3 classes with just one shoe (Dusty was moving fine and didn't seem to notice that she was possibly lop-sided) and missed one class (by just 1 minute - seriously, if we had been able to re-bridle her just a smidgen faster, they would have made it).

This is post showmanship green horse - 4th place! They did very well and placed in most of her classes (the loping/cantering ones need a bit more work) - earning two 2nd places, a 3rd, a 4th, two 5th places, and a 6th place.  

Robert being a horse show dad and holding Dusty when Carus ran to the restroom.  ❤❤

He's not a horse person and doesn't have any interest in being a horse person, but he holds horses, occasionally helps with chores or picking up food or supplements, cheers Carus on and helps support her during shows, and is going to be hauling to shows and events. Not because he's becoming a horse person, but because he loves us.  ❤❤

Dusty was definitely done near the end of the classes and let Carus know with some refusing to move forward and spinning and little hops and threats to buck. Carus rode it all out and worked her threw it and her last class ended with the judge asking her to just stand while they finished the class (probably as a precaution to keep the judge and ring steward safe as well as the other competitors and Carus) and on our way back to the trailer at the end of the day, the ring steward approached us to tell Carus that the judge was very impressed with her sticking with Dusty and trying to work her threw it and not giving up.  I really appreciated it.  It had been a very long day and Dusty did great for her third show ever and a lot classes, several really close together.

Video of her green horse showmanship pattern - she placed 4th in this class. 

Spring Horse Classic 2017

Carus went to the State competition this weekend to compete in Horse Bowl - which is a trivia type competition where they answer questions about horses, how to take care of them, the equipment used with them, as well as riding and showing horses and other 4H rules.  Our county competition was delayed by a month thanks to all the snow in January, which gave us one less month to prepare than the other counties had.

She was on the Intermediate team - and they got 4th place out of the 12 competing counties!  Washington County's Senior team got 3rd place out of 10.  The competition was fierce and each round quite intense.  In one round, Carus buzzed in to answer the last question - the deciding point!  It was quite a difficult question with multiple parts that had to be just right.  The whole room focused on her hard while she answered, and as she said the last words, she froze in place.  Her hands still held up mid gesture she was making while speaking using her fingers to list each part out.  The whole team was leaning forward and perched on the edge of their seats.  Everyone in the room, from the score keepers and timers, to the other team and all of the parents in the audience, seemed to collectively hold their breath.  As soon as the judge nodded and said, "that's correct," Carus and her team collapsed into their chairs with relief and the room let out an audible, collective sigh.  Carus's was the loudest.

Our last round was against Clackamas county (who came in 2nd) and we tied with them, then lost the tie breaking round by 1 point!

We watched the final round, and Carus and her friend were bouncing in their seats at each question because they knew the answers! It was quite comical to watch their dramatics of not being able to scream out the answers -- but you know, some of those answers came to them so easily because they weren't in the hot seats with a buzzer in their hands anymore.

I've never been to Redmond/central Oregon before.  Goodness, Oregon is pretty all over!!  The views coming over the mountain were gorgeous, and I kept getting awestruck at the view of the mountains from the fairgrounds.  I'm so glad the weather was nice - kept the drive uneventful.  And I'm glad I was able to take her to this event!  We drove down early Saturday morning, and headed home Sunday afternoon; just over 400 miles round trip in one weekend! I'm still a bit knackered, but oh so proud of her.