Life keeps happening

I keep feeling like things will slow down next week or next month; and then next week or next month arrives and everything is just as crazy and busy as it was before. 

Or it feels more crazy and busy than it really is and I'm just losing my marbles. I don't know anymore.

The horse that Carus started the 4H year with, Caly, didn't work out.  They weren't connecting and it just became a battle of wills between a young horse and a frustrated kid. We were sad as Caly is a sweet horse that Carus did enjoy riding, but it's not fair for her or Carus to keep trying where it wasn't working. 

Also, I had incredible amounts of anxiety over quitting too early.  I do not like to "give up" even if it's in my best interest and I'm more realistically just moving on.

We asked around a little and quickly got a few geldings to try (Carus insists that she can connect to geldings better cause mares be crazy).  

Introducing (sort of):  New lease horse, Chester.  (This is totally old news if you're on Facebook.)

So far Chester is working out great.  If you ask Carus how it's going you will get no words, but instead some excited squealing while she clutches her hands to her face and/or bounces up and down.

She hearts Chester.  

She's still finding school tough to navigate this year; mostly the 2 AP classes and 2 honors classes have her feeling a bit stretched thin, on top of the emotional lows of losing Scout.

My washer motor broke a few weeks ago.  The direct drive motor is not supposed to break EVER but yeah mine did.  Thankfully I have a handy husband who was able to get the parts ordered despite the customer service reps saying "yeah, no the motor can't break it's not the motor" and then got them installed. I was only without a washer for a week.  Surprisingly...not surprisingly?  I was anxious about not being able to do laundry for a week. Cause I'm a weirdo. Or I have issues.  Both?

The master bath is still not done.  We had to save up to purchase the vanity and then we decided the shower stall was beyond cleaning up so we had to search for new glass walls and doors that would fit our the insert which took forever.  Since the new floor was already in we were not replacing the whole thing.  Then, the granite counter top we like is now out of stock.  We found a new supplier so now just saving up a bit more so we can order because it's more expensive than the first one was.  (And yes, all of the we's in that above paragraph refer to Robert. He's doing all the leg work and hard work. I'm in charge of painting.)

Adam is now coming up on the end of his second semester of college and seems like he's floating along.  He is still doing a general transfer degree with plans to transfer to a 4 year college at the end of 2 years of community college and still isn't sure what the end goal is. Occasionally I panic for him and start worrying that he hasn't figured it out yet. 

Brain dump

A friend through the interwebs wrote about dealing with all the things running through her head lately and made a list of a few of the things she's thinking about and it seemed cathartic. And then I commented with a few of mine and it was cathartic so now I'm putting it here so I can glean a few more benefits of getting all that weight off my chest/shoulders/brain.

September is my month for anxiety. I've recognized that it happens, plan for it (cause I have to plan) and try to cope as best as possible but it's a countdown until October.

My brain today:

was it the right decision to keep daughter in online school
am I putting too much pressure on her to allow them to put her in high school level classes in 8th grade
my son is a junior
JUNIOR! 2 more years and you gotta find money to put him in college
he wants to go to oxford - ha!
if he can figure out what he wants to do
at least I have 5 years for sissy and her dreams of stanford
or 4 if she manages to shave a year off her high school career
he still needs to learn to drive
need to go to the barn tonight
JUNIOR! WHAT THE HECK MAN?!
moving barns
people will hate me at the old barn
people won't like me at the new barn
no social anxiety for you because it would make daughter's worse
it would be easier to move to our own place with a barn...can't afford that...unless i move too far away to borrow that horse anyways....
robert's surgery is on tuesday
vacation time, hurry up and get here
who am I forgetting to call?
when are they going to do layoffs at work?
are they going to layoff?
have I picked the right 4h group?
what if robert dies in surgery?
what's for dinner because I didn't do the menu again!
i wish I had time to sew...or crochet...or finish knitting that blanket i started 2 years ago
I'd like to write too...but yeah, that's gonna happen
2 years and 5 years until college and it's all tooooooooooo expensive
work potluck tomorrow and i'm expected to bring something...what???
would it be bad to get pizza for dinner so i don't have to think about it anymore
download school photos
share school photos so family doesn't think we fell off the earth
i'd love to see my grandparents for xmas...not happening...
has yoda's ear infection cleared up
timmy looks skinny, is he sick
laundry
dishes
i should vacuum
who am I forgetting to call?
threat of school shooting (it was caught WELL before anything happened just AJH&R$QW&ERUV@LKSS!DNE%UYR!!)


That cleared things out a bit....

Don't worry about my ramblings, of which this is just a sampling, I know the majority of them will work themselves out how they work themselves out and the rest are normal and there's nothing to worry about.  And hopefully this weekend I'll get those back to school photos up.

Being Brave

Okay, first.  The title is inspired by this song, Brave by Sara Bareilles, that my friend Bethany introduced me to this evening.  I've been listening to it on repeat, it's really speaking to me right now.  This post started out as a Facebook update and then I went, "whoa, this is wayyyyy too long for Facebook. I should put it on my blog."  Which is what I'm doing.  And it's taking a bit of courage.  (Hold on, gotta push play again.) Okay, now on to the point of my post.

This article/project (Ashamed and Embarrassed That Her Daughter Posed For This Project) (heads up: Along with the article are photos of a nude fat woman - no nipples or genitalia is shown) is making waves in a Facebook photography group I am.  There are a lot of people saying, "well, as long as she's healthy it's okay for her to be fat" and other bullshit like that.

I have always struggled with my self esteem, and a lot of it manifests with issues my weight and other "imperfections".

Shortly after I noticed Carus mimicking me in saying she's ugly and she's stupid, I started really working on my self esteem.  I've been working on showing I think I'm beautiful even when I'm not feeling particularly beautiful. I don't want my daughter to ever think she is not good enough because she isn't _______.  That blank can be filled with anything, by anyone, - not tall enough, not blonde enough, not thin enough, not enough boobs, too much hair, too curly of hair, too straight of hair, too much of this or not enough of that.

And it's all a bunch of crap.

We all have our insecurities, but we STILL need to recognize that they are just that.  Insecurities. (And here I have to say that along with other friends, my friend Bonnie and her pro body image posts she shares has helped me a lot.)

When Carus looks at me, she sees her mom. She wants to wear makeup like me.  She wants to wear pretty shoes or pretty clothes, or curl my hair or blow dry it straight when I do.  Because she is my daughter and I am the most important woman to her.  She is looking to me to show her how to be comfortable in her own body and how to love herself.  I can't just tell her to love herself, I have to show her how it is done.

So I've been working on it, and I think I'm doing a damn fine job at it. I no longer lament how fat I am or how ugly I am.  I will say that I'm feeling blah or frumpy - and then I hang out with friends, do my hair or makeup or nails or, if I have a few bucks, go buy myself a new shirt or something, and THEN I say, "there, I feel better."

Carus is still working on her self esteem.  I did damage before and she's going through puberty, which can be a bitch.  But she is doing better and I think I will succeed in showing her how to love herself.  (And note - I'm just talking about being pretty/feeling pretty, but it's also extending into recognizing and celebrating my, and in turn her, intelligence. Also note, me having a positive self esteem also has benefits for Adam, but in different ways.)

So anyways, back to the article, and my point.  This is the comment I posted on that thread* and I want to share it here too.

"Stop trying to qualify beauty.  Stop saying "it's okay to be fat, as long as you're healthy".  Everyone has a right to be - a person.  You are a person, they are a person.  And all people are beautiful BECAUSE OF their differences (not 'despite' or 'even though').  The differences (short, tall, fat, thin, smooth, hairy, wrinkly, botoxed, crooked teeth, uneven feature, deformities, scars, stretch marks, big boobs, small boobs, saggy boobs, short hair, long hair, no hair, ETC are what make us beautiful.

I think Sue Bryce's message is that EVERY WOMAN is beautiful.  She uses glamour photography to pamper women, who notoriously don't take time for ourselves and notoriously make excuses not to be in photographs.  The pampering makes them feel good about who they are.  And they love the images she takes of them not because she minimized their waist or arm or bum; or because she smoothed out a few wrinkles - they love those photographs because they are a window to their soul.  They show the beauty that she sees.  The beauty that all of those that love them see.  They allow them to say, "I am beautiful and it is okay to love myself."

And it is.  It is okay to love yourself.  As is, with flaws - imagined or perceived or real.  And it is okay for those women in that project to love themselves.  It's okay for you (man or woman, by the way) to love yourself.  Love yourself for who we were yesterday, who we are today, and who we will become..."

*It's a photography group that focuses on glamour photography in style with the amazing photographer, Sue Bryce's style.

How about NO

So like you know how sometimes a bad day at work is refer to as a Monday.  It isn't much of a coincidence that it usually falls on a Monday either.  Like today!

It's Monday.  And it's Monday!

This morning there was a lovely moment in my computer not wanting to load properly.  Oh and that 2nd monitor - yeah, took 10 minutes and a reboot to get that sucker to turn on.  And then. AND THEN, everything, as in our processes and programs that we used to do our work everything, decided to start moving like molasses and oh you want in that report? yeah, well wait 5 minutes.  Well worth the 6 second count, wasn't it.  Now you want in that report - well wait 10 minutes and then we'll see that it has already been done and moved on! Bwahahaha!

But it wasn't just me, and from the sounds of it I had one of the better connections in the fact that I was still actually connected in some way.

Just not in a super productive (or even kinda sorta productive) non frustrating way.

Deep breaths.

Oh and then things started working more smoothly and quickly.

BUT OOPS - you mean you wanted to actually send and email?! That's time sensitive and important to patient care... yeah, how about NO!

I know after going 2 hours without getting an email I should have been suspicious, but I was happy in my oblivious tapping at the keyboard manner.

See, told ya - MONDAY!

****

It's 5 pm and it is still light outside!!  Well sorta.

****

Well I was going to upload my pic of the day but...nah, not gonna do it.  See ya later this week!

12 days

Envelope glue is gross.

Robert is a poo poo head because he wouldn't help me close the envelopes.

Mondays are too long.

I started out the day with 10 loads of laundry to do.

I have 9-1/2 to do now (I washed one, haven't moved it to the dryer).

Vodka and Cherry 7Up is a GREAT end to a Monday.

Or Tuesday.

Or Wednesday.

Or... you get the idea - its good for any day.

I'm almost out of vodka though. :(

To the liquor store! But another time, since I've been drinking.

12 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

I have all the patience in the world!

I have all the patience in the world! I swear I do. 

I've been saying for weeks that I don't have the patience to wait for our closing date for the house anymore and here I've been left waiting and waiting and waiting.  I have decided, I do have patience NOW JUST GIVE ME MY CLOSING DATE!

The news is that our closing date is being pushed out a bit further.  As of two days ago, word was that they hoped it we be mid May, but we got word Friday afternoon that the first step of our funding has been approved and that the papers will get forwarded to the second step on Monday.  This coming Friday, April 23rd was our original closing date, but hopes are that we will still close before the end of April.

We will see.

My mom told me before, many times actually, that sometimes God answers our prayers in ways that we don't want him too, or in the wrong way "in our opinion".  And that he has a sense of humor. 

A story I remember most, especially at times when my patience is getting thin is how she was taught patience when us kids (me and my brothers) were very little and her days were full of crying and dirty diapers and sleep deprivation, you know, motherhood.  She would pray for patience and it wouldn't be long before she was pregnant again.

You wouldn't think it would take four kids born two years apart to figure it out, but it did.  Lack of sleep. Its a bitch. She found her patience though!  Or she just got wise and stopped praying for it. HA!

That's why I've decided to stop saying to myself and out loud that I have no more patience.  I have all the patience in the world.

I've been dreading the teenage/puberty years - I've dreaded them because I've seen first hand through myself, friends, and siblings just how much of a pain in the ass teenagers can be, and how much trouble they can get themselves into - but they are sneaking up on me more and more each day.

Adam has had acne for awhile now, and we're working on it. It improves when he washes regularly and well, but it's a pain to get him to wash.  Soon I won't have to worry much about that; wanting to look nice for girls will take care of it. 

Not only does he have acne, but his voice is starting to crack.  Just a little bit, but I swear a month ago it wasn't. And by next month. BY THE END OF THE SUMMER! By his 12th birthday!

I am still taller than him. HA!

He is also getting a bit of an additude, being really snippy with everyone, especially with Carus.  We are constantly reminding him to watch his tone.  Last week he tried to get all up in my grill and have an additude with me because I told him to do some chores. (I know, CHORES! the nerve of me.)  I reminded him of his tone and warned him to watch it before he got himself in trouble, but it was all I could do not to just start laughing at him. I am finding it absolutely hilarious!

Ask me again in a few months to a year if I still find it funny.

Speaking of finding the kids funny, Carus has her first singer crush.  Justin Bieber.  Just saying his name in her earshot will make her blush. And if one of his songs come on the radio, "TURN IT UP, IT'S MY JUSTIN!!!"

In the checkout line at the grocery store the other day and she noticed his picture on People magazine - she nudged me, pointed at the magazine and grinned.  When I giggled she blushed, which made me laugh.  By then she was beet-red, telling me to shush and looking around to make sure no one else noticed.

Think she might kill me for writing about it? 

Who was your first celebrity/singer crush? - I remember crushing HARD on Jonathan Taylor Thomas (Randy from Home Improvement).

Mount Washmore

Laundry

I don't enjoy doing laundry. But since I don't have the money to just toss the dirty clothes and go buy new stuff every day, it is going to need to be done from now until the end of time...

My old approach of doing laundry is to do as much as I can on one day in the weekend and during the week attempt to cycle one load through (wash, dry, fold) a day but end up with a load in the washer and a load in the dryer at all times.  Sometimes even having to wash a load AGAIN because I forgot to switch it over before it started to get that mildew-y smell.  Yuck!

The only time I have absolutely nothing left to wash, nothing in the washer or the dryer and everything folded, hung up and put away is when gramma visits me.  The second gramma gets here she takes over my laundry room and I become spoiled with not having to touch stinky boy socks or turn jeans right side out and remember to check the pockets and find all the little stains that need pretreating and...

Gramma enjoys doing laundry.

Gramma enjoys it because of how she grew up doing laundry.  Her family didn't have electricity or a phone until she was 14 years old and she grew up doing laundry once a week with the boil-those-suckers-clean-method!  All dirty clothes were put into a giant pot of boiling water where it was boiled and stirred and then boiled some more.  Then it was pulled out of the boiling water and was wrung out by hand so it could be hung on the line to dry.  Because of having to do this for years she now enjoys doing the laundry with a washer and dryer.

So I will too.

That is going to be my new approach to doing laundry.  I will enjoy it.  I am determined to enjoy it!

This week, I've stayed on top of the switching laundry over part a teensy bit better.  Hopefully I will get better and better about staying on top of it and will stop dreading it so much.

Because really, I don't have to boil it and wring it out by hand!

Can I go back to bed?

I'm a planner.

I could be really really organized if I wasn't such a horrible procrastinator. Or if I had the ability to focus on something to completion.  For example, since starting this post I've already ran off in two other directions, one fully in my head, and one online.  And this is only the 2nd paragraph, oy.

For months I've been working on menu planning every week, and have done fairly well.  I've just stepped it up to making an entire month's menu so each week I only have to make the grocery list and head to the store.  It has helped me get our grocery budget under control and I've cut it by half most months with more than half thrown in here and there.  Not to mention the headaches, whining, bitching, and moaning we were experiencing when it came time to decide what was for dinner and start cooking.  WOOHOO for me! 

We aren't moving yet, we don't have an offer accepted, shoot we don't even have an offer made on a house yet, but I'm already planning.  I'm waking up in the wee hours of the morning unable to go back to sleep because my brain starts going a mile a minute.  I need to plan.  I need to be sure that everything will work out before hand - even though it never helps, even though it usually overly stresses me out, even though I am not psychic and cannot predict and plan everything, I still must try. 

Oops, sorry ran off again.  Where was I? Oh...

I'm planning my new approach to laundry, -which has actually been in the works for months; first I tackled dinner, now I'm taking on laundry.  Tomorrow I take over the world! Ha haha!  I'm planning which cupboards in the kitchen will hold my glasses and which will hold my plates. I'm planning where the furniture will go.  Which colors I want to paint the walls.  What things I can toss or give away before the move, what can I sale for moving money and to pay for that paint?  I'm trying to foresee any and all problems and working them out before hand.  And I can't stop.  Eventually I will have enough planned that I can relax and let things take its course, but until then I can't shut off my brain.

My biggest worry though is the approach to the kids and school.  Specifically changing schools.  If things go as I plan (I'm not being naive I swear, I just have to plan!) it is likely we will be moving before June so, do we try to work out a way to let them finish the year at their current school? Or do we switch them with only a few months left and leave them to try to make friends before summer and to not let their grades drop because of the stress of learning new teachers and rules?

After my parents divorced and my dad got custody of us kids, my dad worked out a way to let me and my brothers finish our school year and I'm sure it was hard on him.  We got up super early and drove an hour to a friends house to wait to catch the bus with them while he drove another hour back to go to work.  Then after school we'd go to that friends house again and stay until he got off and made the trip back to pick us up.  As a kid it was just fun playing with a friend every day, and I got to enjoy my 5th grade year without having to worry about making new friends on top of all the other changes I already was dealing with.  I know there was a few months of that, but I'm not sure how many.  And I'm not sure if he paid the friend (well the mom) for watching us.  When we moved to Oregon from New Mexico at the beginning of my 8th grade year I was very concerned about making new friends and found the move a little hard.  Now I'm concerned about how my kids will take the move.

We won't be moving Adam and Carus nearly as far, but we are moving more than halfway through the school year.  The drive would be about 45 minutes in the morning, and I might be able to make it in 30 in the afternoon to pick them up.  And while we have friends that I would feel comfortable with them staying with after school I don't want to impose on those friends and ask for them to do it for free, and I can't really afford to pay them and I surely can't afford daycare!  My initial thought was to have Robert take them to school in the mornings, and for me to use my breaks (an hour a day) or ask to split my shift temporarily (might not even be an option) to accomplish the pick up.  But then there are days that Robert will be traveling for work - what do I do then? 

I know they are resilent and they will make new friends, and that they'll do so more easily than I will, but I worry.  I don't want them to be mad at me or hurt.  I'm trying to honestly discuss all this with them so they understand why we end up making the final decision we do make, and they like the finishing the school year idea, but know that it might not be doable. 

So thoughts please? Have you moved as a kid and switched schools mid year, beginning year, end year?  Were you mad or happy or sad? Any other ideas on how I could make it work?

Do math

First watch this little video




Do math. That's what I thought of when I saw this video. I hope they did math before trying that!




Robert says it looks fun and he wants to do it - sure hunny, just make sure you have life insurance first. And lots of it. My new trophy husband needs a Porche.



* * * * * * * * * *


In other news, things that also made me laugh and choke on my drink or laugh and nearly - I said NEARLY- piss my pants this week, in no particular order:

1. Dooce and her post on her washing machine troubles. As well as probably 20 of her other posts that are just downright HILARIOUS!

2. Adam getting Carus to smell his stinky-been-wearing-to-practice-all-week Under Armour shirt which caused her to back into the doorknob (not the funny part) and then tried to whine to me that her brother made her back into the doorknob and I laughed and then she cried (again, not the funny part). Holy run-on sentence Batman! Anyways, she now knows (I hope) that you don't smell everything someone hands to you and says 'smell' - I hope.

3. Adam laughing his head off for a good solid 5 minutes because Robert tossed some almonds and pecans at him and said, "Put moms nuts in the freezer." hehe - Yea, I share the immature sense-of-humor Adam, Robert and most other males have. And because of this I get to laugh a lot! Yay for us passing immature humor and smart ass-ness off to our kids. Its great to laugh.

4. Dimitri and his total hotness loving on the elegant woman Olga (did I finally spell elegant right? I hope so).

5. Watching Yoda chase his tail in circles trying to itch it and not really succeeding. Its hard being a pug with a flat face. Normal doggy duties (hehe I said duties) go neglected because of his flat face.

6. Every time Yoda goes down the stairs he slides at the bottom and skids into the door. i.e. the flat face? You'd think he would learn to not hall-ass down those stairs so he could actually stop when he steps off the carpeted stairs onto the slick laminate and not slide right into the door. But no, he likes to make me laugh.

7. Dude, you will never guess what I found in my washing machine!! Seriously I found a spider - a daddy long legs and I was like aah, poor spider, died in the washing machine.

Wait, does a spider with a spider web in my washer mean I don't do laundry? What's your problem DLL? Talking all sorts of crap about my making sure my family has clean clothes issues. Yeah, well, well....Jerk! Oops, sorry tangent there.

But then I poked DLL with one of Adam's dirty socks 'cause I may be okay with DDLs over other spiders but I still ain't voluntarily touching one! And he moved!

Holy crap he's alive - and no I don't think Adam's sock stunk bad enough to even make a dead spider move. Well, maybe. But I learned LONG ago that you do not smell boys gym/workout clothes, socks, or underwear. That's what you get with having three brothers, especially when one of those brothers have Bud's feet. That boy can clear a room 2 seconds after taking off his shoes. But anyways, DLL totally ran off up under the lip of the washer. So I loaded it and started it and now he is having a jaccuzi or like the bestest spider carnival ride EVA! I hope he don't puke on my clothes.

8. The fact that the second we say bedtime, Adam goes to the bathroom and proceeds to sit on the toilet doing a #2 for like 2 hours! Take that bedtime!

And then....

NO AND THEN!

Sorry, that's a common quote around our house. It was started by Robert and our friend David.

I thought for the longest time that it was just something they came up with, and then I was told that it comes from the movie 'Dude, Where's My Car'.

I still haven't seen that movie - be we say this all the time, in a funny accent. If you wanna hear it, just give me a call and say, "And then" and I will answer "NO AND THEN!"

We quote other movies too - mostly Disney movies. If someone says "And Daddy they took my boot!" You will be met with "Oh, those are the ones I bought you" in our very best british accent (which isn't that good).

Ha! Name that movie!

So anyways, where was I. Crap, don't remember. I know it was witty and funny and deep and spiritual and I was like Oh, I have got to write that down. So I started, then had to go do something and I came back and was like crap, what was I writing...

I need my own transcriptionist because my ramblings to myself are really funny and then I'll go to write them down and I don't remember them. And then I'm sad, because I wanna be funny. I want people to laugh with me - key word there being WITH. Not AT. And then because I made you laugh you will like me.

Maybe tomorrow I will have the same thought and go OOOh, I've got to write that down and then you will be blown away by the awesomeness of whatever it was.

Coundowns, updates, and random thoughts

My quote of the week -

"Thank you for not being crazy." Robert to me

Parenting rule of the week -

Us to Adam - "Until you're 18, you may have an opinion, but that doesn't mean we'll take it into consideration." He wanted to do something that we said no to and he tried to whine about it. Can't remember the specifics now.

Robert is in LA working this week. He left early Monday morning and won't be back until LATE Friday night.

I can't sleep without him. Well, actually, I am sleeping, it is just taking me FOREVER to fall asleep and I don't stay asleep, so therefore I am SO.TIRED.IT.IS.NOT.FUNNY! And it is only Wednesday.

I'm considering drugging myself to sleep tonight. I wonder if we have any Nyquil. I tossed out the prescription sleeping pills ages ago because they gave me nightmares. No, not bad dreams - nightmares.

I am still wrestling with my Twilight addiction - but it is getting better.

I didn't get those shoes I was drooling over a few months ago because when I went to get them I found 2 pairs for the same price as those that I wanted more. One pair that are very similar and twice as cute and one pair I can wear to work. Have to wear closed toe shoes only.

My birthday is this weekend. Robert and I are going to go out - where? To do what? I don't know. I refuse to plan my birthday celebrations, after the kick ass surprise party he got he owes me. I told him I want to go out and he has free reign from there. We'll probably end up at the club our friend bounces at having some drinks and playing pool. I do have plans with Carus to go get pedicures Monday so we both have pretty toes for our vacation and the wedding. She squealed when I told her. It was great.

Adam and Carus are enjoying their summer. Carus's neighborhood friend is actually home this year - she was put into daycare previous years - and so Carus has someone else to play with giving Adam a break. Poor Adam, on the other hand, has no one to play with with his neighborhood friends usually off doing their own thing. Occasionally someone will be around to play - and he has been playing some basketball and football and having fun there. He has been playing video games and reading in the down time.

Right now, I've forced them to stop fighting with each other and go play outside. Adam was enjoying his video game and didn't want to go so I told him he could have a water fight...wanna bet on how long until Carus comes in screaming that Adam soaked her?

We leave next Thursday (July 2) for Orlando! We will be in Orlando until the 5th or 6th and then we head up to Dothan, AL for the wedding which is on the 10th. We fly home on the 11th. Peter and Carie and Charlie will be there too. Unfortunately Bud isn't able to come - 'cause he is a butthead like that. I blame his g/f, she probably isn't all to blame but I don't like her, something about her urks me. I don't like to be urked. I miss Bud. I know the kids do too - and Robert, although he would probably never admit it.

I heard from Granny and Gramps today that Aunt Pam is coming - WOOO! And Aunt Bon might make it - WOOO! But Aunt Kathy and Uncles Buddy, Len, and Jim are not, and no cousins. :(

Now for my random thought -

Because I am fortunate to work with such a great group of people, I'm spoiled. I expect as much compassion and respect in my personal relationships that I receive in my work relationships and it is disappointing when I find I don't have it.

Now I am going to see if I can sneak up on the kids with the hose.

Happy Summer all!

T.A.

Hi, my name is Becca and I'm a Twilightaholic!

I am addicted, badly - I've accepted it and I'm trying to burn myself out . . . it isn't working as quickly as I need it to.

In the past month I have read the series fully twice, Breaking Dawn 2 more times on its own (my favorite book), and I've just started over at the beginning . . . again . . .

I made Robert put Twilight on our Netflix queue but he has movies in line ahead of it so in the mean time I've been watching it at least twice a week online - and while I liked it, I didn't like it that much! Kristen Stewart's gasping is driving me nuts . . .

And I've decided I want to be an actor and my break out role will be a small character from Breaking Dawn. She only has a few scenes near the end and not a lot of lines, but I think I would be great (you can guess, but I ain't telling who).

K, now that I have that off my chest - I'm off for another fix. Just two paragraphs and I'll be good. I swear!

Do they have a Twilight's Anonymous?

Countdowns

There are a few countdowns going on around here, wanna see what we are counting down for?

There are 7 days until Robert and I head to Astoria, Oregon and Hotel Elliot for our anniversary weekend. We will be there from Saturday afternoon until Monday afternoon. Our anniversary is Monday, and falls on Memorial Day this year. Note: Planning an anniversary anything is a bit of a pain on holiday weekends - and more expensive! Fortunately when calling for quotes to hotels I got someone who wasn't completely on the ball and didn't realize it was a holiday until AFTER she quoted me the 'normal' May price. hehehe

With that, there are 9 days until Robert and I have been married for 8 years!

We are planning a group zoo trip and there are 21 days left until that. If you're in the area and wanna come, let me know. It is Saturday, June 6.

For the kids - there are 27 days left until school lets out for the summer on June 12th.

Then there is the sandcastle contest in 28 days in Cannon Beach, Oregon. We aren't participating, but we are going to see all the amazing entries.

There are 43 days until my birthday! I like that day :) If anyone needs gift ideas, this is what I really really really want, not picky on the color though.

There are 47 days until we leave for our Florida/Alabama vacation (give or take a day allowing for when our plane leaves, which is TBD) topped off with 55 days until my dad and Sandy get hitched. I am really looking forward to this vacation. I have NEVER been on that side of the country, or seen the Gulf of Mexico or the Atlantic Ocean (although I'm not sure if I will get to see it this time), and we plan on hitting up DisneyWorld and maybe Seaworld and I am really really excited.

And that is the end of the current countdowns 'round here. What are you counting down to?

Friendships revisted

I have never been one of those cheerleaders-in-the-movies-type popular, but I know a lot of people and they know me and we are friends and I suppose that can be considered popularity.

I have had the friends I joked with, and those I skipped class with (or just get into trouble with), and those I would spend hours talking on the phone with. And I have never been too lonely - there was always someone to hang out with, someone to talk to, someone to share frustrations, someone to bitch about parents, teachers, boyfriends, life, etc. Secrets were told and kept by all - no questions, no stipulations, no worries, no strings attached.

But I have lost friends. Its sad to lose friends. I miss them - maybe not all of them, but at least a good portion of them.

There were the friends I lost when I got pregnant with Adam. People with kids and people without kids have different interests and priorities, and it is difficult to stay in touch. It might be even more difficult if those people are teenagers. There is even less in common, and of course there are parents that step in and say friendships have to be severed because 'she is a bad influence'. I get it.

There were the friends I made when pregnant with Adam after switching schools and when he was a baby, and after graduation it again became difficult to stay in touch. Different priorities and different parenting beliefs had to do with some of those friendships dying; and waiting too long to return a phone call; getting in an argument and instead of talking things out, just walking away. Things happen. And I have been just as guilty of letting those friendships die as the other party.

But there are always a few friends left - friends I've reconnected with from before Adam and friends that I've hung on to from after Adam. And there are always new friends made. I'm enjoying becoming friends with my cousins I wish I grew up closer to, becoming friends with my brothers as they grow up and we start to get along more, the friends I'm finding online and the friends I've made at work, at the kids' school, and through other friends.

Unfortunately some friendships are not really friendships. Some friends are not really friends. That fact/issue/whatever it is has me so angry and sad. This isn't anything new for the particular friendship that has me thinking, just revisiting it again...for like the 10th time...and it still hurts to feel so betrayed. To not feel loyalty from someone I have been loyal to. There are things we do together that I still enjoy - or maybe things I want to enjoy. And there are future activities that I will end up being around her. We have stopped talking before and when I call her back up and say 'hey why did we stop talking?' she says she missed me - but it isn't long before we are back in the same boat and she isn't returning my calls. I really can't be any more guarded around her with what I do and say without being downright unfriendly and rude. Well, maybe just rude in my opinion - it may be the type of relationship she is looking for from me.

So do I evolve the friendship into more of an acquaintanceship, or let it 'die'? Do I confront her and 'pick a fight' to hopefully resolve issues? Or shall I just ignore it and keep on keepin' on?

Box tops for schools

See these? Them things right there are box tops. They are little coupons found on lots of boxes of products you buy and use regularly. They are found on boxes and bags of cereal, crackers, rice, juice, instant potatoes, and even toilet paper packaging. Lots and lots of packages have them - you might even have some in your cubboards and pantries right now.

Well, if you do have a product with one of these little coupons on it, cut out the coupon. It doesn't take long. Sometimes I just rip off the whole corner and trim a bunch of them at once later on. Take these little coupons and send it with your kids, the neighbor kids, your nieces and nephews, grandkids - any kid (that you know, no creepy behavior now) to school. The school turns them in and are reimbursed 10 cents per coupon. Some schools (like ours) actually have contests to see which class can bring in the most box tops, and that class wins extra time at recess.

With the state our school system is in every teeny tiny bit helps. It pays for books, programs, teachers, and/or after-school activities. It helps educate our kids. Those kids that will grow up and take care of you in your old age. I don't know about you, but I need them to have good jobs to help pay for social security when I retire - so I can retire. And when I am really really really old, and bedridden, and need someone to wipe my butt or turn me to keep me from getting any sores, or read to me 'cause I'm blind as a bat, or just keep me company - I want them to be smart. I want them to hold a conversation.

And if you do not happen know any kids to send your box tops to school with - drop me an email and I'll give you my address and send them with my kids.

Oh, and schools do still collect Campbell's soup can labels for money too. I just don't have pics of those because we rarely, if ever, buy Campbell's soup - it is just SOOOO much cheaper to buy generic. I don't know how much they get back for those; probably something similar to the box tops. You can also send those to me if you want to/need to.

I might have issues

I have an obsession. Well actually I have multiple obsessions, but I'm only referring to one of my obsessions right now.

This one teensy tiny (okay, not so small) obsession is really cute shoes.

I LOVE really cute shoes. I dream about them. I do. I really really do.

When watching TV shows, commercials and movies I see all the cute shoes. They could be shown for half a second and I will see them, and want them. And I will tap Robert on the arm (or if they are really cute I actually smack him HARD, very hard, on the leg) and say 'did you see those shoes!' I have even been known to make him rewind and pause just to point out the really cute shoes!

If I come into a room clutching a magazine, or store add, or something, he will look at me go "NO" and roll his eyes, because he knows that I'm just going to show him a pair of shoes I just have to have.

There are Manolo's and Jimmy Choos that I love and would accept if given to me for free (and would sleep with them and take them everywhere) but with most of those I can't get past the price - that's my rent. . . for 2 months! Or a trip to Hawaii (for just me) - just can't do it.

But the everyday brands are what I truly love. 'Cause technically they are within my budget. I could actually buy them and wear them and love them and squeeze them and hug them and call them George. And not have to file bankruptcy to own them.

Yesterday I was going through the coupons we got in the mail (Tuesday is coupon day) and I found this flyer. And I ooohhed and aaahhed over the first page and these shoes in black. Oh so cute.

And then I turned the page and I made a squeeking sound 'cause I saw these. - yes I squeeked.

LOOK AT THEM! LOOK AT THEM!

LOOK AGAIN!

Every season I have a pair of shoes that I drool over and dream about and these - my spring/summer sandles - are them right now!

I did dream about these last night. I really did. It was a good dream. And then I woke up and looked at my feet, and was disappointed that they didn't magically appear on them.

And I looked them up online today and stared and drooled and pouted.

Even though the price is good for a pair Madden Girl (on sale from $54.99 to $44.99) and I have a coupon for another 20% off of that! Alas, I cannot afford them.

Stupid recession!

25 Random Things

I really like this one, being random is fun and maybe I should post some random things/thoughts more often...

25 Random Things

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (I will not be tagging any more people, but if you want to participate then just create your list of 25 random things and let me know)

1. I am the oldest of 4.

2. I wish I had a sister.

3. I want NEED to move

4. I LOVE road trips

5. I have a HUGE secret

6. I really like having my tongue pierced

7. I want to work less - I feel I'm missing too much of my kids childhood

8. My brothers are idiots and that makes me sad

9. I want to be president

10. I believe in human to human reincarnation

11. I want to travel the world

12. I only have 23 people on my friends list to tag

13. Dr just dictated ASScending colon

14. I'm afraid I made a HUGE mistake

15. Don't do this if your in a bad/sad mood, everything random that pops into my head I don't want to share

6. Like this thought

17. Or this one

18. I want to ride a horse

19. I want to live on the beach

20. I want another baby

21. I'm really easily amused

22. I'm over winter - ready for spring

23. I never give up - NEVER

24. NO SERIOUSLY! I need to move

25. I don't want it to be over - something else, this I'm okay with being over. I have been random enough for today...