365 in 2021, days 38-42

2/7/2021

Got some new fishy friends. Two new panda corydoras, an albino blue-eyed pleco (Banana) and two cherry shrimp. These are in the bags while they acclimated to the tank temp and water. (Dot in the background is a snail.)

Now, a few weeks later, I'm back down to 3 corys (these two took me up to 5) and I have no idea why, and I can't find the shrimp. They could just be hiding, but who knows. 

2/8/2021*

I got to ride Chester and had a lesson.  

This was while we were waiting for Martha and shortly after a pretty big spook - the bushes in the corner, which are slightly visible on the left there are scary. Probably mostly the barn cats playing in them, but possibly the wind and/or a little bird/mouse moving in there too.  All the horses give it side eye once in awhile. 

  

2/9/2021*

Adam seems to be a fan of whisky. I'm liking it too.  It's a good sipping drink.  We had one a few months ago that we really liked, but couldn't remember the name. We thought it was Glenlivet, but it might have been a different year or maybe a different brand cause this wasn't quite the same.  This is good though so we took a pic to make sure we remembered it was good. Then it turned out to be the only photo I took that day so it got nominated to be in the count. 

2/10/2021*

Carus tacking up for a ride. 

2/11/2021

The Angelfish had eggs! 

It was very exciting and it makes up for the fact that I'm not getting tetra fry anymore and they might be eating my shrimp. 

They guarded and fanned water at them all day while Carus and I did some research.  They would hatch in 60 hours, so that would be about Sunday morning. This was Thursday about midday. The eggs weren't there at morning feeding so they were spawned anywhere from shortly after feeding to right before I saw them.  

We believe Fredrick is the female and Two-faced is the male as Fredrick was the one that did the most fanning and aggression towards the other fish. 

From research: Angelfish lay their eggs on a vertical surface and occasionally move them. They will fan the eggs with water and guard them from others. They will also eat them.  At 60 hours, they go from eggs to wiggler stage (where they wiggle? that's them hatching?) and then start swimming around their parents. The parents might also eat the fry at this stage or they might parent them/raise them. The photos and videos I found just had clouds of fry swimming around parents, which is amusing.  

Also from research - Angelfish (very) often eat their first spawn.  Mine did.  Thursday evening, I had this same big spawn of eggs. Friday morning - about half left. Saturday morning, less than 10 and some white which suggested not viable and by Saturday evening none.  Angelfish can spawn every 14 days, so we'll see what happens... I've decided to not try to do anything extra like putting up a mesh to protect them or remove the parents - don't have another tank anyways.  What happens in my tank happens in my tank. 

One month

Friday, March 13, 2020 started social distancing/quarantine - whichever you want to say.  It's technically social distancing but everyone has started calling it quarantine. Including me.  Not technically a full quarantine, but enough I suppose.

Today is Wednesday, April 15, 2020.  One month (and two days).

I've had to do another big shopping trip. I could have put it off longer, but for what I wanted to make I was out of some ingredients for, so off I went in my homemade mask which fit better than the ones Robert found in the garage that he had for woodworking projects.  The CDC recommends people start wearing one in public to prevent the spread of the disease, just in case they're sick but don't yet know it. I feel it offers some protection against catching it too (even if it's so small of an amount that it doesn't really "count" - it counts enough for me).  And it definitely reminds you not to touch your face in public.

It feels weird wearing a mask in public though, even with more than half of the rest of the people out and about wearing one too.  It will probably get more common and easier with time.  I took some alcohol wipes with me to wipe my hands, purse, wallet, phone, and car afterwards and washed my hands after returning home thoroughly.

The CDC (I believe, this might just be something someone said) also recommends you wipe down your groceries with a disinfectant wipe too, but I'm not doing that.  The majority of what I buy goes into the pantry for days/long enough for the virus to die on the surface and the produce gets washed before use so I think it's enough.  Our reusable bags go into the cupboard where they're not touched again until next trip.

We still go to the barn, and Carus is having her lessons with Martha still. I'm no longer holding baby Trask for the lessons though, just in case. I couldn't bear accidentally getting a baby sick. I don't want to accidentally get anyone sick.  Carus and I covered chores last week as Jessica got sick and had to wait for her COVID19 test results to come back - negative.  Just a cold.  She works at the jail so essential worker so chance of exposure.  The barn has put out bleach spray to wipe down common areas, stall picks, wheelbarrows, and feed containers. We're all being careful, especially with Linda as she's older.  The dynamic is the same, but different just enough that it feels weird.  We paused donkey lessons after Heather was potentially exposed on a trip into Portland for work, Justin came down with a cold, and their boarder Sarah had potential exposure at work too - they put themselves on quarantine (actual quarantine) just in case.  It's now been 3 weeks and Justin is better and no one else got sick. We'll probably pick up donkey lessons again next week.

School news:
Adam's doing okay with his online classes for this semester. He goes to the video classes and does the work and is managing his schedule well.  He's having some struggles with calculus, but it's calculus so expected.  Up until he started college, he was able to just skate through school and pull As and Bs, but in college he has to try harder, sometimes a lot harder, so it's different for him.  He's still doing well and passing all of his classes, just having to work more for those grades.  He hasn't left the house since this started, except one trip grocery shopping with me for pho supplies.  We're planning on making chicken stock and canning it soon. And then maybe we'll do beef stock too.  I love that all he and his friends can easily game together online both video games and D&D.

As for Carus, she's officially a graduate.  Class of 2020.  When they canceled school for the year, they also started getting plans together for what requirements would be needed to pass the grade the kids were in.  All Seniors that were passing classes by March 13th, would pass the class without additional work.  Carus was passing. She had some outstanding work sample stuff to turn in - it was mostly done, but had to be finished and could only be done in class with the teacher - so that was marked completed. And that's it. Senior projects got fully canceled. I did say we could still do the video and save for ourselves, or share with friends and family or even with her teachers. She passes on that for now.  Graduation ceremony is still up in the air, but I'm not holding my breath.  Come out of quarantine and cram 1,000+ people into an auditorium? That's a good way to get put back into quarantine.

Still hoping though.

Pre Fair and Fair are still planning as if we'll go ahead with them. I'm more hopeful there.  End of June and end of July are a long ways off still.  Spring Classic has officially been canceled for the May dates.  It's currently being discussed if we'll move online (hard to do for Horse Bowl competition though) or if we'll postpone until September.  We'll hear more on Sunday - Julie, the coach, has started practices back up on Zoom meetings since we can't meet in person.

Robert is still working, normal schedule.  They've sent all non-essentials to work from home.  Well, except for one lady who refuses to go home and then spends all day talking quite loudly to someone else or herself and disrupting everyone. Robert is quite annoyed with her volume.  I'm quite annoyed they haven't made her go home if she isn't supposed to be there. It's just another infection vector, especially since from all she's loudly said, she is not keeping her distance from anyone and is not staying home.

My hours were cut starting April 1st. I lost an average of 12 hours per week per the schedule, but with Erin doing labor pool and Marcia calling in sick yesterday, I've gotten back some of those hours. I'm not worried - I have plenty of PTO to use to fill in the gap.  I'm actually kind of looking forward to some of the half days or completely off days I have in there. Last Friday I worked 4 hours in the evening to cover Erin's labor pool, but during the day I was off and Robert and I completely cleaned our room pulling out furniture and vacuuming and shampooing the carpets well.

I guess that's all I have to update and share. I want to be sure this time is documented, even if it's just for me. This will definitely be a blip in history that gets studied. Was the quarantine helpful or not helpful? Did our leaders handle things appropriately and timely? What was life like? Etc... we know all of those questions will be asked as they're asked for previous pandemics... Maybe my grandkids will ask me about it?  I feel this is a trauma on us and our personalities and quirks will be affected by it.  How many will hoard certain supplies for fear? Who will continue to wear masks in public even after this threat is gone? How many people will have germ based phobias - big and small? Will the conspiracy theories win out? (The most ridiculous one - COVID is spread by 5G. Like wtf?) I don't know what it will do to me yet - make me more of a homebody is my best guess. The anxiety I have of going into public and seeing people is REAL ya'll.

OOhh, I forgot to share! This is something related to the times, but not particularly this pandemic. I want this documented so that hopefully when it gets better, and I need to believe it will get better, I can look back and see how far we've come.  At the grocery stores around here, I occasionally come across some latinx people and it breaks my heart when they look at me in fear. Not always, but sometimes. It's always older people, generally a couple, and they look absolutely terrified that they might inconvenience me making me mad or something. I'm white and I'm middle aged, which makes me the demographic of those that hate them/wish them dead.  I always try to smile reassuringly, making sure my eyes show how genuine that smile is, and often that relaxes them enough to remove some of the terror from their face.  But with a mask they can't see my smile. That hurts my heart.


Oregon cumulative totals per Oregon Health Authority - 8 a.m., 4/14/2020 (yes, yesterday's numbers, but it hasn't been updated for today yet)

Positive:  1,633
Negative: 30,730
Total person tested: 32,363
Total deaths:   55

Life keeps happening

I keep feeling like things will slow down next week or next month; and then next week or next month arrives and everything is just as crazy and busy as it was before. 

Or it feels more crazy and busy than it really is and I'm just losing my marbles. I don't know anymore.

The horse that Carus started the 4H year with, Caly, didn't work out.  They weren't connecting and it just became a battle of wills between a young horse and a frustrated kid. We were sad as Caly is a sweet horse that Carus did enjoy riding, but it's not fair for her or Carus to keep trying where it wasn't working. 

Also, I had incredible amounts of anxiety over quitting too early.  I do not like to "give up" even if it's in my best interest and I'm more realistically just moving on.

We asked around a little and quickly got a few geldings to try (Carus insists that she can connect to geldings better cause mares be crazy).  

Introducing (sort of):  New lease horse, Chester.  (This is totally old news if you're on Facebook.)

So far Chester is working out great.  If you ask Carus how it's going you will get no words, but instead some excited squealing while she clutches her hands to her face and/or bounces up and down.

She hearts Chester.  

She's still finding school tough to navigate this year; mostly the 2 AP classes and 2 honors classes have her feeling a bit stretched thin, on top of the emotional lows of losing Scout.

My washer motor broke a few weeks ago.  The direct drive motor is not supposed to break EVER but yeah mine did.  Thankfully I have a handy husband who was able to get the parts ordered despite the customer service reps saying "yeah, no the motor can't break it's not the motor" and then got them installed. I was only without a washer for a week.  Surprisingly...not surprisingly?  I was anxious about not being able to do laundry for a week. Cause I'm a weirdo. Or I have issues.  Both?

The master bath is still not done.  We had to save up to purchase the vanity and then we decided the shower stall was beyond cleaning up so we had to search for new glass walls and doors that would fit our the insert which took forever.  Since the new floor was already in we were not replacing the whole thing.  Then, the granite counter top we like is now out of stock.  We found a new supplier so now just saving up a bit more so we can order because it's more expensive than the first one was.  (And yes, all of the we's in that above paragraph refer to Robert. He's doing all the leg work and hard work. I'm in charge of painting.)

Adam is now coming up on the end of his second semester of college and seems like he's floating along.  He is still doing a general transfer degree with plans to transfer to a 4 year college at the end of 2 years of community college and still isn't sure what the end goal is. Occasionally I panic for him and start worrying that he hasn't figured it out yet. 

Adam has graduated!

Not only has my baby officially become an adult and he does adult things (like driving and working and paying taxes and going to the bank and buying stamps and paying bills), he has graduated high school!  

Adam graduated with Honors (that little medal he's wearing) and I was so excited and happy and proud. 

I had hopes that lots of family would be able to come celebrate with us, but unfortunately it wasn't in the cards.  Gramma Jerye was able to make it though and I'm glad she was.  She's been at a couple of his big events - being born, turning 16, graduating high school.  

And it was a good visit with her - I hope she had a nice vacation.  

In 3 years, Carus is due to graduate... time flies...

Adam and some of his closest friends. 

3 weeks!

Only 3 weeks until Adam's graduation!!

He has turned in his senior project and I'm pretty sure he's given the presentation for that already too.  That reminds me, I want to have him show me the presentation.

His project was being stage manager for a Shakespeare play back in the fall.  He's done stage managing for a few of the plays put on by the drama department at the high school so it wasn't a stretch, but he did have to write an essay and take photos and put it all into a presentation answering certain questions so it was a bit more involved than "usual".

I'm excited for his graduation! And so proud!

And also a bit weirded out.  It just seems so surreal that we're already at graduation for him.

* * * * * * * * *

Our driveway is just big enough for 2 cars. If one car pulls all the way forward we can squeeze in one more and so Adam and I have been playing Car Jenga since he got his car and often being sure to have the first one out the next day parked behind the other.  Most days, he's behind me since he leaves for school and I work at home.  Every now and then we end up having to move one car to let the other out - and it's often he moving his car to let me out so Carus and I can go to the barn.  We have sort of developed a routine.

He backs out and off to the side and I back out lining up next to him.  Carus then rolls down her window (front passenger seat) and makes faces at him or calls him a nerd or such, and Adam is doing the same - making faces or calling her a nerd.

I just wanted to get that written down before I forget because it makes me smile.

Adam update!

Let's do an update on Adam. Because I want to write something and I should probably talk abut my first born for a change.

He's officially an adult and he's been doing all sorts of adult-ing things this year. He's gotten a car, a job, traveled (mostly) solo - across the country.  Robert helped him file his taxes, and he got a tax return (don't get used to that buddy!). He's ONLY 3 months away from graduating high school! He still doesn't know what he wants to do for a career/job/college. There are some programs that would work perfectly for quick and easy access to a start of a career - and a good career at that, but he's having trouble committing because of what ifs.

"What if I don't like that job? Then I've wasted the time and money on it."

I get it, I get stuck on the what if I don't like it often as well. I don't know what else to do. We try to talk through options. 

He's also in the generation who has learned from their older siblings or parents, that college is super effing expensive and soooooo many people in this country are currently so deep in debt it isn't funny. And just with school loan debt. It shouldn't cost THAT much to go to college; and not even an ivy league school, but dinky little community and smaller state colleges. So much debt with horrible interest rates that you can never get ahead on and still pay cost of living expenses. With those loans being the only options for so many people and with the constant chorus of "you have to go to college to get a good job," waaaay too many people are stuck. 

But I digress.

In school, he's doing okay. He's skating by the classes he doesn't *need* to graduate, and doing well in the ones he does *need*. Work is going well, he likes earning money and having his own car.  We hardly see him because he's at school, hanging with friends, working, or hanging with friends. I see him a bit less because I'm often off being Carus's chauffeur.

See. I can't even get a pic of him unless I snap it quickly as he's heading out the door for work or school (here, work).  

His work stories are interesting...and gross.  He likes his coworkers and managers A LOT, but is totally not a fan of customers. Especially rude jerks or customers that smear their poop all over the bathroom or urinate in the trashcan. He can sympathize with those vomiting, though isn't a fan of them either. The franchise owners seem good to their employees too. There were $25 gift cards for Christmas (not much, but in my opinion amazing coming from a fast food restaurant) and they recently put one of their employees up in a hotel for the weekend when her home flooded. THAT makes me feel like they're good people.  

Anywho - I'm very proud of how awesome he's turned out as a young adult and am excited to see how he grows and matures and moves through life. 

And also completely weirded the frick out about having a child that old.

52 Week Photography Challenge: Week 2 - Landscape

Landscape:  Traditional Landscape

Shoot a beautiful landscape and share it with the world.  Find a nice foreground and don't forget the sky.

Phone photo of the view from the front window.

There were so many landscapes that I wanted to go out and get while we had our snowpocalypse but was mostly stuck at home.  The roads were not safe to drive and while we could have done okay with my all wheel drive car and Robert's truck, we didn't have to risk it, so we didn't.

Instagram photo of Chewie looking and the view.

It snowed, then the clouds left and it got really cold. With the sun out during the day though, the snow on the streets melted enough for people to start getting around and we went out to the barn to do chores and haul water buckets all over since we'd only hook up one hose to fill waters.  The morning crew would take the evening's buckets and put in the tack room to thaw out for the evening crew to switch with the day's buckets.  And pushing wheelbarrows full of manure through snow to dump is a pain in the butt. Almost literally. Carus slipped a few times pushing up hill (I clean stalls, she dumps) but we managed and were rewarded with some lovely sunsets.  

Cold weather and clear skies gives some pretty sunrises and sunsets.

Phone photo of the sunset colors at the barn.

Adam shoveled our driveway and some of the sidewalk and then made me a snowman.  If you look just so, you can see he has two eyes and a smile. 

I did get my big camera out on my lunch and breaks and walked the backyard with the dogs. (Downfall from working from home - no snow days.)

View from our back porch

7 inches of snow

Adam making snowballs for the dogs. 

And then he bit on it and was confused when it disappeared into the rest of the snow.

Playing with the frozen soccer ball.

My frozen clothes line.

One of the evenings we were out at the barn doing chores, Carus and I decided to go for a little ride. 

We probably spent more time tacking the horses up than riding. It was COLD!  

More information about the Dogwood Photography 52 Week Photography Challenge can be found here.

#dogwood52, #dogwood2017, and #dogwoodweek2

Band and Choir Concert

(This is a redo, a bit late because I didn't notice it didn't post when I posted it.)

Adam is in band again this year, and Carus has joined the choir, and so the concert at the beginning of the year was for both of them.  

The fall concert shows what the kids have been learning so far that year and gives a little bit of a baseline of their skills for you to see how far they come by the end of the year concert in May.

Carus is in the middle front - with the light purple hair.

Adam is just to the right of that cello in the middle.  This was taken during set up for the next performance as the tromboners (and Adam) are in the back and you can't really see them/him (he's in the middle of 3 or 4 tromboners and well hidden from cameras).

Clip of the choir

Clip of the choirs, orchestra, and band. 

Clip of just the band.

Going ons

I should probably update this more often so I didn't feel like I had to make a list of all that is happening.  Lots is happening, some good, some bad and some it's still to be determined good or bad...

Gah, I just looked at recent posts to see what has been said and I've got not a whole lot for a base level.  Let's just break it down into per person or subject.

Me: I'm doing well, but at the same time not well at all.  My health is fine or steady or whatever. My plantar fasciitis is still killing me most days and I'll get it doing okay then push myself to do more/exercise more because I know that if I build up a higher baseline than what I'm currently at it will be better in the long run, but then I pay for it for a few days.  Guess where I'm at in that cycle right now - the point where I want to whine and cry.

Emotionally, I'm all over the place.  I'm stressed and anxious, but don't feel like I have enough to be stressed or anxious about, which makes me feel guilty and then I get all anxious over that. So yeah, I'm in a pretty shitty spiral and doing my best to stay afloat. I don't feel like I'm juggling all my responsibilities well, but my kids are fed and loved, my pets are fed and loved, I still have a job, and everyone is wearing clean (albeit wrinkled) laundry so there's that. Work is fine, they love me and I mostly love my job, but I'm irritated as fuck over some recent unnecessary changes that make my job more difficult and don't feel like I can say anything.

Carus is doing really well with Dusty now, which has alleviated some of my anxiety about how Dusty and Carus would handle showing, but Scout might need to find a new home which is breaking my heart. I love him as much as Carus - he's basically my first horse too - and I don't want to take him from her, but if we get to the point of leasing/buying a horse for Carus to finish her 4H career with, it has to be a horse she can actually show and Scout can't show. (He is doing okay physically, so could handle some showmanship and probably some trail, but not the amount of work needed for equitation.) Enter ALL of the guilt with that situation and then multiply it by a billion.  I don't know. A lot can happen between now and when Scout needs to find a new home, but for now the prospect is debilitating.

Speaking of Carus, now an actual update on her and not just my anxieties about her.  Carus is doing well.  She's adjusting to high school extremely well and is doing okay in classes (there has been some confusion on how the teacher wants answers formulated that have affected her grades).  Socially she is focusing on friends and making good friends and ignoring the bad friends and those that talk crap.  I think her self-confidence has helped this aspect immensely and I'm glad that all the steps I've taken to help her there have done their job. She's excited to turn 15 and get her permit so she can learn to drive, like now.  She's excited for shows this year and is ready to get Dusty in the show ring. I'm very proud of all the hard work she's put in on herself.

My anxieties about Adam have dulled... at least until we get closer to graduation and looking at going to college stuff. So for like 5 minutes? And I'll probably end up hyperventilating in a ball in the corner when he gets his license and takes his car for a drive all by himself. Shit, I'm almost there just typing that out. See above - RE: I'm a mess.

Adam is skating through his senior year, though he'd probably tell you otherwise because he is busy and doesn't have as much downtime as he'd probably like.  He only has to get 2 credits to graduate but he's taking a full day of classes.  He's taking two different culinary classes as well as band and astronomy "for fun".  I think his physics class counts as a credit, but to him it's still "for fun".  His senior project is about managing a play; the first play of the school's play year - High School Musical - and that has been keeping him busy and not really working much.  He's averaging about 20 hours a week for work which is enough for his car payment and insurance.  Now for him to just get his license; he just has to schedule a time (there's a waiting period).  The other night he realized that he's an adult and doesn't need permission to get a tattoo or buy lottery tickets and thought that was fun; and he just got his first ballot in the mail. Woohoo adulthood - which shit head politician should be president?

Robert is working now.  He finally got released from medical for his back injury and was able to get a job and has found one that he can do without causing too much pain which PHEW because I don't need that added worry back in.  He'd tell me that I don't have to worry cause it's his back, but that's not how it works.  He's looking into surgery to fuse those discs that are bulging in the near-ish future.  Approvals need to be sent and received and steps taken to get there. I'm also worried about that.  At least I have a theme for my life right now - worry and anxiety all day long with a side of bonus anxiety for those extra worrying times. For now, he's dealing while working a lot; he works 12 hour shifts 3 days one week and 4 days the next though right now it's just 4 days a week as there is a ton of over-time available.

Blargh. This post feels weird, but it's what I got for now.

Happy 18th (!!) Birthday, Adam!

Adam is 18!

I can't believe it has been 18 years, and at the same time I can. It's gone by so slowly but too quickly. You are officially an adult, but it doesn't feel like you are quite yet. At least to me.  

I'm not sure what will make you an adult.  Will it be you graduating this year? Or getting your license?  Maybe the trip to DC on your own. Or seeing you vote in your first election. 

I am so proud of who you are. Every day and every year I become more and more proud of you. You are kind and considerate, responsible and empathetic, smart and witty, funny and sweet.  Your sense of humor and love for puns and dad jokes are the best.   

You're the best son, brother, friend, and person that I could have hoped for.

Thanks for making us (your parents) look good. 

First Days of School

First days of school 2016

Carus went first as she is a Freshman! She started 8/29/16.

Robert took the photo for me as I had to go to work before she was ready to go.  I thought she looked excited and happy and that made me feel less anxious for her (she's my baby, I was anxious for her) but apparently the grin is because Daddy made her laugh.  Whatever, it works.

The better news is that this week has been great for her! She's starting to find her way around a very large school with classes all over the place and seeing old friends and meeting new friends and having a good time.  

Adam started the next day - Senior year! 

He's all same ole same ole to the high school experience. He likes that this is his final year, but I think it is making him a bit anxious because now everyone expects him to have a plan of what to do next and he hasn't decided.*  And on top of school, he's been working every evening this week and isn't home much except to sleep and is tired and not exactly enthused.  Welcome to adulthood kid, it sucks. 

The first few weeks will be an adjustment - they're both exhausted at bedtime and fall asleep easily.  It helps (or doesn't help depending on how you look at it) that they are walking to and from school (maaaybe a mile - maybe) to avoid dealing with 1-1/2 hour bus ride that comes when they want to get up (leave at 6:30 to ride the bus or get up at 6:30 and walk).

Meanwhile, I can't believe they're both in high school.  My baby is a freshman. My oldest is a senior who will be graduating this year.  This is weird and too soon and just really, really weird. 

*So far the plan is to go to community college and start the basic prerequisites and see what peaks his interest and go from there.

Adam's Prom

Adam and a group of friends traveled to downtown Portland, to Portland Art Museum, for prom Saturday where they met more friends and Junior and Senior prom (combined) was experienced.

These kids are the cutest! I love how bright and vibrant their dresses and hair are and how some matched their dresses to their hair!  They escorted each other.

I love how much Adam enjoys dressing up. He owns this suit, we just bought him a new tie, pocket square, vest combo for prom.  And I know I'm biased but I think he looks spiffy.

I'm making spiffy have a come back saying. 

These guys were king and queen together in Adam's last Shakespeare play - Midsummer's Night Dream. Most of Adam's prom friend group was in that play. I'm glad he's found his clique. It makes high school bearable when you have good friends to suffer through it with you.