23 April 2009

Friendships revisted

I have never been one of those cheerleaders-in-the-movies-type popular, but I know a lot of people and they know me and we are friends and I suppose that can be considered popularity.

I have had the friends I joked with, and those I skipped class with (or just get into trouble with), and those I would spend hours talking on the phone with. And I have never been too lonely - there was always someone to hang out with, someone to talk to, someone to share frustrations, someone to bitch about parents, teachers, boyfriends, life, etc. Secrets were told and kept by all - no questions, no stipulations, no worries, no strings attached.

But I have lost friends. Its sad to lose friends. I miss them - maybe not all of them, but at least a good portion of them.

There were the friends I lost when I got pregnant with Adam. People with kids and people without kids have different interests and priorities, and it is difficult to stay in touch. It might be even more difficult if those people are teenagers. There is even less in common, and of course there are parents that step in and say friendships have to be severed because 'she is a bad influence'. I get it.

There were the friends I made when pregnant with Adam after switching schools and when he was a baby, and after graduation it again became difficult to stay in touch. Different priorities and different parenting beliefs had to do with some of those friendships dying; and waiting too long to return a phone call; getting in an argument and instead of talking things out, just walking away. Things happen. And I have been just as guilty of letting those friendships die as the other party.

But there are always a few friends left - friends I've reconnected with from before Adam and friends that I've hung on to from after Adam. And there are always new friends made. I'm enjoying becoming friends with my cousins I wish I grew up closer to, becoming friends with my brothers as they grow up and we start to get along more, the friends I'm finding online and the friends I've made at work, at the kids' school, and through other friends.

Unfortunately some friendships are not really friendships. Some friends are not really friends. That fact/issue/whatever it is has me so angry and sad. This isn't anything new for the particular friendship that has me thinking, just revisiting it again...for like the 10th time...and it still hurts to feel so betrayed. To not feel loyalty from someone I have been loyal to. There are things we do together that I still enjoy - or maybe things I want to enjoy. And there are future activities that I will end up being around her. We have stopped talking before and when I call her back up and say 'hey why did we stop talking?' she says she missed me - but it isn't long before we are back in the same boat and she isn't returning my calls. I really can't be any more guarded around her with what I do and say without being downright unfriendly and rude. Well, maybe just rude in my opinion - it may be the type of relationship she is looking for from me.

So do I evolve the friendship into more of an acquaintanceship, or let it 'die'? Do I confront her and 'pick a fight' to hopefully resolve issues? Or shall I just ignore it and keep on keepin' on?


  1. You know. I have run into this type of a situation a couple time...well not exactly the same but...

    Sometimes you should just let go.
    Friendships are a two way street, and if you are doing all the work, or being betrayed it is alright to step back. You don't have to hate her, just don't let her into you life as much.
    It is hard to let go. I have lost good friends and it was hard. But sometimes you just need to protect yourself.
    People do grow apart.

    There...I hope that helped a little.

  2. I agree with April. I am not really someone who needs a lot of people around, so I don't call my friends a lot. But I do know they are always there when I do need them. I have lost a lot of friends because of it though. Not that people are needy, but they expect phone calls everyday or once a week, and I am not that kind of a girl!
    Sometimes you do need to just let go. Like April said, people grow apart! I am one to love confrontation, but it could just make things worse. I would probably just treat the situation acquaintance like. It will most likely fizzle out and go away on its own!
    And I do love that we are getting reacquainted! It would have been fun growing up closer to each other, but this is great!!


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