Funny stories #1

While talking to my mom she suggested that I tell some funny stories from the kids - so this is collection #1.

When Carus was a baby Adam would watch me change her diaper and he would just watch quietly, or talk and coo at her to distract her so she wouldn't get upset. When she was maybe 1-2 months old, I was changing her when Adam announced, "her penis will grow in later." He announced this as if it was something he had been contemplating for awhile and he had finally figured it out for himself.

After relaying this story to my mom (which I'm sure wasn't the first time even though she claims it is) she was reminded of when I was little and my first brother (I have 3 younger brothers), Bud, was a newborn. She had explained to me about the umbilical cord and how that it will fall off, so once while she was changing him I noticed his penis and asked, "did mine fall off with my umbilical cord?" - She still nearly wets herself laughing.

Her favorite story from my kids is a recent one. Earlier this summer we were cleaning out their toy boxes and getting some old toys together to sale for the yard sale. I had them dump the entire tub and we had a keep pile, throw away pile (for all the broken ones), and a sale pile. When we had thinned out the mountain I decided the kids could finish up themselves while I moved onto something else. It didn't take long for the arguing to begin and neither one was helping as much as the other felt was necessary. Adam finally had enough and said, "Carus go sit in the sale pile so we can put you in the yard sale."

Another favorite of hers was from a few summers ago when I had my grandparents (gramma and poppy), her and her husband (Terye and Claude), my three brothers (Bud, Peter, and Charlie), and Peter's girlfriend (Kari) visiting for the 4th of July. Poppy had said that he was a little tired and wanted to lay down for a bit so Carus offered him her bed. He said he wasn't sure if he would fit and she said, "it's big enough for 2 fat people."

All young kids repeat swear words and mine have learned one or two - partly because I (and Robert) refuse to never swear since I'm an adult and have earned the right to say whatever I want, especially when I stub my toes; and partly because of our friend, David, who doesn't have kids and thought it would be a good idea to teach a 2-year-old Adam to say 'joto' (pronounced ho toe - gay in spanish). Another time, Adam was about 3 and got frustrated at Robert so he yelled the 'N' word and walked off. Thanks David. Also when Adam was 3 we were watching Mighty Joe Young on TV and Robert walked into the room. He watched for a moment and said, "that is a big fucking monkey." A few days later, Mighty Joe Young came on TV again and Adam, all excited, ran to Robert and said, "Daddy, daddy - Fuck a monkey."

Recently, I have been teaching the kids to cook so they can help with dinner and have more responsiblity. After Adam's first dinner Robert was teasing him by saying that the chef always eats last (I'm a great example of that), so the next night while Carus was finishing up her dinner her and Robert had the following conversation...

Carus: This is all for me.
Robert: But the chef eats last.
Carus: I'm not the chef, I'm the cook.

Our kids have little bits of smartass in them, we must be rubbing off. Last night Robert grabbed Adam and gave him a big hug that lifted him off the floor and his back popped.

Adam: Ow, my back.
Robert: Didn't it feel good to pop it?
Adam: No.
Robert: It feels good when I pop mine.
Adam: That's 'cause you're old.....der than me.

There was a pause and a look of 'oh crap' dawned on Adam's face...Nice save Adam.

Well that is all my empty, memory drained brain will allow me to remember this round.

I challenge my blog writing readers to post some funny kids stories. Kids do say the funniest things!