07 January 2013

January blues

Raindrops through the car window.

6_365 01-06-13

I think January might be the hardest month for me. I always feel quite sad in January.  The weather is usually the worst (in that it is ALWAYS raining).  I feel like I will never see the sun again (though we did have a bit more than a full week of sun) and that it will rain forever. I'm missing some of my family because I didn't get to see them, yet again, for the holidays (we can't travel to them and they can't/won't travel to me). It's a new year, but I didn't get to a whole bunch of stuff I wanted to do the year before and now it's gone...


So yeah, we had about a week of sun with a few sprinkles here and there, nothing really.  On Saturday, the rains returned.  The rain allows Oregon to be so very green and the springs to be very lovely, and keeps the summer drought off much longer than many other parts of the country, but it can be hard to handle.  Sometimes I blame it on being from New Mexico, but New Mexico is no longer my home and I've lived in Oregon longer than I lived there, so it doesn't feel right to blame it on that.  Where we are in Oregon rarely feels like my home either, even though I live here, and I'm not sure why.  Nor do I know where my home is. I don't mean home where I live with my family, but a home where my family and I live that feels right.  A place where it feels like we fully belong.  Does that make sense?  This town and/or house is close, I think, but it's not quite there...

I don't know.  January's make me sad and weird weirder.

Do you feel like you're home?

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